Hillary Clinton Spotted Doing Illuminati Witch Ritual Above Skies of DC

While Hillary Clinton’s vampire abilities and weakness are well documented in the moral media community, not much has been physically documented about her alleged power of witchcraft and the occult. But now, days after another deadly hurricane comes sweeping into the US and Brett Kavanaugh met the people’s will by...

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Republicans: Women, Stop All These Assault Claims Or We Will Drain All The Pumpkins of Their Spice

In this undated photograph, Trump oversees and stands in a field of pumpkins turned albino after FDA agents drained all the rich pumpkin-spice flavorings from them.  According to a leaked memo, the nation’s supply of pumpkins will be drained of flavor as punishment if rich, white-women don’t ‘knock if off...

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Kansas Neighbors Complain Home Has Become ‘Relentlessly Gay’, Owners Respond By Making Home Gayer

Kansas – In a now viral social media post, a person describes an exchange between passively aggressive irate neighbors and the owners of a rainbow colored house. The letter reads: Dear Resident of __ Avenue, Your yard is becoming Relentlessly Gay!  Myself and Others in the neighborhood ask that you...

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President Trump Successfully Tests National Cell Phone Alert to Warn Against Obama’s Attacks on Christianity

At 1:18 pm, President Trump tested his new cell phone messaging system that allows him to send Tweets and warnings right to your phone.  After Obama’s apocalyptic summoning of Hurricane Florence, which devastated the Christian state of Carolina, displaced 500 million people and destroyed thousands of churches, it has become...

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Giuliani Prepares ‘Guilty is Not Guilty’ Defense Following Cohen Confession

Sources report an extremely alert and unhinged Rudy Giuliani was spotted tearing through the streets of New York late Saturday, yelling ‘Guilty is Not guilty!’ As alarmed bystanders ushered kids away from the irate path of Giuliani’s swinging arms and wide-eye stare, jumbotrons on Fifth Avenue displayed breaking news footage...

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If The President of the United States Directs You To Commit Felony, Is It Really Such a Big Deal?

Former Trump attorney Michael Cohen just confessed that President Donald Trump forced him to commit a felony, breaking campaign finance law. Cohen’s statement was part of a plea deal and in the grand scheme of things:  Benghazi!  9/11!  Obama!  HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE! When we can shout out so many things to...

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Study: Despite Massive Outpouring of Thoughts and Prayers, Gun Violence Continues to Rise in America

Officials with the Christian Defense League of Texas are in absolute shock after a new scientific study found that despite massive outpourings of thoughts and prayers following catastrophic displays of gun violence, it seems that gun violence only grows more and more severe in the United States. In a released...

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