Trump’s Policies Help Natives Discover 210,000 Gallons of Oil at Keystone Pipeline South Dakota

For over a year, Native Americans who lived near the formerly proposed Keystone Pipeline site in South Dakota protested due to fear that the pipeline would somehow contaminate sacred land that also served as a water supply. President Obama sided with the natives, but once taking office, President Trump applauded...

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Obama Orders Navy Pilot to Draw Subliminal Homosexual Chemtrails Over American’s Skies

Obama still has sleeper agents in the United States government.  Officials with the Christian Defender League of Texas confirm that at approximately 12:50 pm, the United States Navy flew homosexual sorties over the skies of Washington.  When the missions were over, citizens who looked skyward saw the following display of...

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Why Did Obama Order Trump’s Twitter Shut Down for 11 Minutes

It was the darkest 11 minutes in modern American history.  By the power of Obama, President Trump was cut off from his 41.7 million followers. Sources with the Christian Defender League of America report that Obama likely unleashed the unholy “404” error rite upon President Trump’s Twitter feed. Moral publications...

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Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) Scheduled by DOD for November 4 – 6 – What It Means for You

Social media is circulating an amateur video that reports an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) will take place on November 4 – 6 and wipe out the nation’s entire power grid. The video’s proposition that the Department of Defense is planning on wiping out electronic communication is likely false.  According to the...

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Top Ten Ways To Stay Safe This Gay Christmas

Gay Christmas, known as Halloween in the non-homosexual community, is officially celebrated on October 31st.  Over the last three decades gays have used the holiday to not only throw lavish costume parties, but also as a recruitment day where they get to see their straight co-workers and acquaintances in fantasy...

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Study: Despite Massive Outpouring of Thoughts and Prayers, Gun Violence Continues to Rise in America

Officials with the Christian Defense League of Texas are in absolute shock after a new scientific study found that despite massive outpourings of thoughts and prayers following catastrophic displays of gun violence, it seems that gun violence only grows more and more severe in the United States. In a released...

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Trump Orders Congress to Cut $1 Billion from FEMA So He Can Secretly Pay For Border Wall With US Dollars

President Donald Trump has threatened to shut down the government if Congress does not pay for the border wall by cutting $1 billion dollars needed for disaster relief from FEMA’s budget. The fiscal year that has the economy improving and jobs being created is still the budget agreed upon by...

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I Am Extremely Terrified of Gay People, But I’m Not Racist

With their boundless energy, chiseled physiques and enhanced mental acuity from the surging hormones coalescing with fiercely mixed spirits routinely consumed with opiod-infused eight-ball during weekend benders, gay men are a formidable spectacle of nature that leave housewives yearning for their sensuality and straight dads jealous of their exotic, child-free...

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