[adinserter block=”1″]Sources report that Obama performed a dark ritual today in the secretive chambers beneath the White House. Eye witnesses confirm numerous people with ‘horses heads and apocalyptic bodies’ were seen exiting cars and being hurried into the White House. Beneath the light of the Ecclesiastical super moon, they planned to confirm America’s betrayal of its Christian heritage (hallmarked by legalizing gay marriage) and into the path of Satanic darkness.
The liberal media is trying to hide the significance of the July 31st blue moon, an event that has not happened since the dark ages. 20 or 30 years ago, liberals conspired to create the ‘Calendrical Blue Moon’. This media campaign was to make blue moons happen more often, so that their Biblical significance would lose meaning in popular culture.
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But rest assured, the Blue Moon tonight is an Ecclesiastical blue moon, a part of America’s Christian ancestry that dates back to the times of ancient Rome. The moon appears every 19 years, on July 31st. History holds that whoever possesses certain artifacts can determine if the super moon will be the harbinger of good or evil.
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As we have seen in the last few years, Obama has busied himself completing Illuminati rights and gathering artifacts from ancient cultures. This has all been so that tonight, he and his dark friends could help usher in the next age of darkness that will cast America further into the murky pits of homosexuality, Godlessness and socialism.
Obama and Liberals Preparing To Rule a Dark Age of Wanton Carnality
For nearly a decade the Obama administration has shown a nearly fanatical devotion to collecting ancient relics associated with the occult and supernatural ability.
Sources report as early as the 1990s, Obama would travel back to his birthland of Africa to hunt down ancient relics in the fertile crescent. Several villagers from Kenya report that on July 31st, 1996, Obama carried out the first of the ‘subsequent Ecclestiastical full moon’ rituals, knowing that if he completed the second ritual, he would invoke the ancient Blue moon prophesy.
The Rite of Stonehenge
Obama walks through Stonehenge, relishing in the sacred grounds of ancient darkness. Here, Obama completed a right to imbue himself with the powers of ancient priests and false gods who were said to be fallen angels.
Hours after walking through Stonehenge, eyewitnesses report that Obama chanted some line while holding a hammer-like relic skyward. Locals fled into the fields while secret service members ducked for safety. It is said afterward Obama’s voice echoed like an auto-tuned ocean and his eyes did not look like a human.
Obama’s Possession of Ancient Norse Religious Relics
Obama’s feat at Stonehenge is easily explained by the following image media that has made its way through conservative social media networks.
Terrified scientists can only look on as Obama lifts an ancient Norse relic called ‘mjolnir’. A close look at the intricate craftmanship of this ancient relic shows its ties to the occult and Illuminati.
Obama took this relic from Sweden, the locals unable to stop him as he boarded Air Force One and flew straight for Stone Henge, where he used the weapon to bring a great dark power upon himself.
Liberal media will try to deny these claims, but after Obama completed this rite he started to display mastery over the sun, the moon and the weather.
Onlookers will look at images of Obama in his Khonshu moon ritual outfit and find that he looks young. Beneath the White House, eyewitnesses have seen evidence of a sarcophagus where Barack Obama and his Illuminati friends such as Susan Lucci, John Kerry, Johnny Depp, Robe Lowe and Elijah Wood take turns defying age and death itself during the blue moon ritual.
What Does The Ecclesiastical Supermoon Mean for America’s Morality
America will only grow into a darker nation. Expect more gay marriage, more natural disasters, more societal unrest and blatantly supernatural events such as meteorites dramatically crashing into all sorts of symbolic things. Poor people will only get more and more healthcare and free food, while the hardworking and Christian find their persecution increasing for trying to adhere to America’s true path of righteousness.
The end, dark times are upon us.
Comments(36)
Chris Snead says
August 1, 2015 at 4:41 pmWho writes this bulls***!!!!! This is just stupid!
roy king says
August 1, 2015 at 11:42 pmWould you say as stupid as one who takes it seriously?
dan says
August 2, 2015 at 1:49 amYa think? Wow. Your powers o’perspicacity amaze.
Howard says
August 2, 2015 at 8:03 amSo you say is as so you think Chris Snead.
Dixie says
August 3, 2015 at 10:56 amIt was not meant to be taken seriously. It was meant as tongue-in-cheek humor . It was directed at those who still claim he is not an American and that he is a Muslim and other such nonsense.
Dave says
August 5, 2015 at 7:28 pmIt must be true. I read it on the internet. I’m quire sure, If it weren’t true the internet police would take it down.
Lisa says
August 3, 2015 at 2:18 pmIt’s called satire…if you didn’t figure it out, you should probably look it up.
Onthisrock says
August 1, 2015 at 11:36 pmWhen we talk about bulls**t, big time bulls**t _ stand up and give it up for this crap, the all time champion
Alex Jones says
August 2, 2015 at 1:37 amPoe’s law sighted. Target destroyed. Hail Eris
Ddd says
August 2, 2015 at 4:11 amI love Satire. This will be a great piece to use in order to help them all about satirical media.
The Dark Lord says
August 2, 2015 at 10:17 amBalls, this will amaze a 10 year old kid, what a foolish article!
Anita says
August 2, 2015 at 10:47 amI’m so confused! He was a Christian, then no, a Muslim, now, a Pagan!
mel says
August 2, 2015 at 4:15 pmMust be Joel Osteen ! Lol
Jen K. Machado says
August 2, 2015 at 6:01 pmHilarious! Anybody knows scientists aren’t terrified people. The photo in costume is not Obama…(unless all black people look the same to you!) False gods have no powers. (Warning, that means yours may be under scrutiny as well) More gay marriages is because it has been made legal. As to America’s Righteous path? Great cognitive dissonance. Since the Founding Fathers, as rather intelligent bootleggers, pirates, and upstanding rebels) We’ve enjoyed a full 17 broken up years of not being in war/military conflict since the country’s inception. Oh, the glory days! You are Killing Me! Ha! Fear the ones who perpetuate fear and maniacal “wisdom” of apocalyptic days. Natural disasters happen when you live on a planet that shows billions of years of change. The only thing in life that is certain is you have too much time on your hands when you mess with people by writing this crap without a disclaimer, “intended for entertainment value only”.
Rene says
August 2, 2015 at 7:02 pmI guess somebody didn’t get the sarcasm here
What a Joke says
August 2, 2015 at 7:33 pmwearing watches on both wrists, as he holds, and put down da hamma!
Chaz says
August 2, 2015 at 9:01 pmBs leave Barack Obama alone
too many dummies will believe this. says
August 3, 2015 at 2:03 amToo many dummies will believe this to be true. Like my friend Linda in California!
Frances says
August 3, 2015 at 2:31 amThanks, Obama!
peter nyakundi crispizo says
August 3, 2015 at 4:44 amguyz les thnk othyc, , this evil powers has no powers be4 the eyes of
God,,, sometyms they glorify themselvs gvng examples of popular pple that God had blessed,, anyway they may swey a munch of christians thru false sayng,, somthn lyk natural disaster happen upon some geographcal changes,, actualy such masacure has no relationship with any human being,, …. so guyz les believe in God en not illuminati
…. this conspiracy if existng should be burnt off… zn i has much of losses than benefits such as lose of lyf…
Don Rathborn says
August 3, 2015 at 5:28 amMic drop.
Tim Wecks says
August 3, 2015 at 2:20 pmWrong, wrong, wrong! There was a blue moon in 2012! And by the way, we were plunged in to 1000 years of darkness back in 1990 by Bill Clinton.
Don Linrothe says
August 3, 2015 at 2:41 pmWow!!
Just another reason the right wing wackos are , well……nuts. Dillusional and out of touch stuck in the 50’s. Who wastes their time coming up with this BS ?
Serpentine says
August 3, 2015 at 2:55 pmHey, isn’t that a character from Stargate?
Carey Schug says
August 3, 2015 at 9:30 pmI wonder how many moronic republicans will take this seriously….
brandan says
August 3, 2015 at 10:17 pmI do with craft my self and the blue moon comes every 3 years .. this article is just hands down not true .. the reason they call it a blue mean is due to every 3 years there’s a extra fullmoon in the cycle (orginaly only 12 but the Blue moon makes it 13 ) the way the moon got its name is from the old time when the farmers use to use the moon cycle to tell them the crop rotation (seasons) and they called the extra moon bluea meaning the betrayer moon . That’s how the blue moon got its name just educate your self
Adam Ives says
August 3, 2015 at 11:08 pmLook mom! Breaking News on FOX!
Holly says
August 4, 2015 at 3:19 amI like to be open minded but this is I little hard to believe
Darling queen of "ya ma" says
August 4, 2015 at 4:20 amWell…this stuff is real ok and the world will end soon. You better be ready for when Jesus comes back
Darling queen of "ya ma" says
August 4, 2015 at 4:21 amBetter be ready…
kc says
August 4, 2015 at 7:08 pmdude this is nothing comped to the things that I know. so just forget about it.
iris says
August 6, 2015 at 11:52 amreally, nobody is going to make a joke about obama being able to lift mjolnir?
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March 13, 2016 at 9:19 pmyou guyz should start reading your bibles maybe you will understand. you foolz.