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Obama Performs Illuminati Blue Moon Ritual To Cast World Into 1,000 Years of Satanic Darkness

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You may have heard the saying, ‘that will happen once in a blue moon’ and never thought much of it.  Well, Obama is president and that ancient saying once again has meaning.

Sources report that Obama performed a dark ritual today in the secretive chambers beneath the White House.  Eye witnesses confirm numerous people with ‘horses heads and apocalyptic bodies’ were seen exiting cars and being hurried into the White House.  Beneath the light of the Ecclesiastical super moon, they planned to confirm America’s betrayal of its Christian heritage (hallmarked by legalizing gay marriage) and into the path of Satanic darkness.

The liberal media is trying to hide the significance of the July 31st blue moon, an event that has not happened since the dark ages.  20 or 30 years ago, liberals conspired to create the ‘Calendrical Blue Moon’.  This media campaign was to make blue moons happen more often, so that their Biblical significance would lose meaning in popular culture.

But rest assured, the Blue Moon tonight is an Ecclesiastical blue moon, a part of America’s Christian ancestry that dates back to the times of ancient Rome.  The moon appears every 19 years, on July 31st.   History holds that whoever possesses certain artifacts can determine if the super moon will be the harbinger of good or evil.

As we have seen in the last few years, Obama has busied himself completing Illuminati rights and gathering artifacts from ancient cultures.  This has all been so that tonight, he and his dark friends could help usher in the next age of darkness that will cast America further into the murky pits of homosexuality, Godlessness and socialism.

Obama and Liberals Preparing To Rule a Dark Age of Wanton Carnality

Obama was seen wearing an outfit of the ancient moon god, Khonshu, of Egypt. Khonshu was said to be anti-Ra, or against the light, which means he instead stood as the leader of darkness. Not much has changed between the Obama family’s ancestral role in ancient Egypt and today.

For nearly a decade the Obama administration has shown a nearly fanatical devotion to collecting ancient relics associated with the occult and supernatural ability.

Sources report as early as the 1990s, Obama would travel back to his birthland of Africa to hunt down ancient relics in the fertile crescent.  Several villagers from Kenya report that on July 31st, 1996, Obama carried out the first of the ‘subsequent Ecclestiastical full moon’ rituals, knowing that if he completed the second ritual, he would invoke the ancient Blue moon prophesy.

The Rite of Stonehenge

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Obama walks through Stonehenge, relishing in the sacred grounds of ancient darkness.  Here, Obama completed a right to imbue himself with the powers of ancient priests and false gods who were said to be fallen angels.

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Hours after walking through Stonehenge, eyewitnesses report that Obama chanted some line while holding a hammer-like relic skyward.  Locals fled into the fields while secret service members ducked for safety.  It is said afterward Obama’s voice echoed like an auto-tuned ocean and his eyes did not look like a human.

Obama’s Possession of Ancient Norse Religious Relics

Obama’s feat at Stonehenge is easily explained by the following image media that has made its way through conservative social media networks.

obama-awesome-thing-3 (1)Terrified scientists can only look on as Obama lifts an ancient Norse relic called ‘mjolnir’.  A close look at the intricate craftmanship of this ancient relic shows its ties to the occult and Illuminati.

Obama took this relic from Sweden, the locals unable to stop him as he boarded Air Force One and flew straight for Stone Henge, where he used the weapon to bring a great dark power upon himself.

Liberal media will try to deny these claims, but after Obama completed this rite he started to display mastery over the sun, the moon and the weather.

Onlookers will look at images of Obama in his Khonshu moon ritual outfit and find that he looks young.  Beneath the White House, eyewitnesses have seen evidence of a sarcophagus where Barack Obama and his Illuminati friends such as Susan Lucci, John Kerry, Johnny Depp, Robe Lowe and Elijah Wood take turns defying age and death itself during the blue moon ritual.

What Does The Ecclesiastical Supermoon Mean for America’s Morality

America will only grow into a darker nation.  Expect more gay marriage, more natural disasters, more societal unrest and blatantly supernatural events such as meteorites dramatically crashing into all sorts of symbolic things.  Poor people will only get more and more healthcare and free food, while the hardworking and Christian find their persecution increasing for trying to adhere to America’s true path of righteousness.

The end, dark times are upon us.

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Comments(36)

  1. Reply
    Chris Snead says

    Who writes this bulls***!!!!! This is just stupid!

    • Reply
      roy king says

      Would you say as stupid as one who takes it seriously?

    • Reply
      dan says

      Ya think? Wow. Your powers o’perspicacity amaze.

    • Reply
      Howard says

      So you say is as so you think Chris Snead.

    • Reply
      Dixie says

      It was not meant to be taken seriously. It was meant as tongue-in-cheek humor . It was directed at those who still claim he is not an American and that he is a Muslim and other such nonsense.

      • Reply
        Dave says

        It must be true. I read it on the internet. I’m quire sure, If it weren’t true the internet police would take it down.

    • Reply
      Lisa says

      It’s called satire…if you didn’t figure it out, you should probably look it up.

  2. Reply
    Onthisrock says

    When we talk about bulls**t, big time bulls**t _ stand up and give it up for this crap, the all time champion

  3. Reply
    Alex Jones says

    Poe’s law sighted. Target destroyed. Hail Eris

  4. Reply
    Ddd says

    I love Satire. This will be a great piece to use in order to help them all about satirical media.

  5. Reply
    The Dark Lord says

    Balls, this will amaze a 10 year old kid, what a foolish article!

  6. Reply
    Anita says

    I’m so confused! He was a Christian, then no, a Muslim, now, a Pagan!

  7. Reply
    mel says

    Must be Joel Osteen ! Lol

  8. Reply
    Jen K. Machado says

    Hilarious! Anybody knows scientists aren’t terrified people. The photo in costume is not Obama…(unless all black people look the same to you!) False gods have no powers. (Warning, that means yours may be under scrutiny as well) More gay marriages is because it has been made legal. As to America’s Righteous path? Great cognitive dissonance. Since the Founding Fathers, as rather intelligent bootleggers, pirates, and upstanding rebels) We’ve enjoyed a full 17 broken up years of not being in war/military conflict since the country’s inception. Oh, the glory days! You are Killing Me! Ha! Fear the ones who perpetuate fear and maniacal “wisdom” of apocalyptic days. Natural disasters happen when you live on a planet that shows billions of years of change. The only thing in life that is certain is you have too much time on your hands when you mess with people by writing this crap without a disclaimer, “intended for entertainment value only”.

  9. Reply
    Rene says

    I guess somebody didn’t get the sarcasm here

  10. Reply
    What a Joke says

    wearing watches on both wrists, as he holds, and put down da hamma!

  11. Reply
    Chaz says

    Bs leave Barack Obama alone

  12. Reply
    too many dummies will believe this. says

    Too many dummies will believe this to be true. Like my friend Linda in California!

  13. Reply
    Frances says

    Thanks, Obama!

  14. Reply
    peter nyakundi crispizo says

    guyz les thnk othyc, , this evil powers has no powers be4 the eyes of
    God,,, sometyms they glorify themselvs gvng examples of popular pple that God had blessed,, anyway they may swey a munch of christians thru false sayng,, somthn lyk natural disaster happen upon some geographcal changes,, actualy such masacure has no relationship with any human being,, …. so guyz les believe in God en not illuminati
    …. this conspiracy if existng should be burnt off… zn i has much of losses than benefits such as lose of lyf…

  15. Reply
    Don Rathborn says

    Mic drop.

  16. Reply
    Tim Wecks says

    Wrong, wrong, wrong! There was a blue moon in 2012! And by the way, we were plunged in to 1000 years of darkness back in 1990 by Bill Clinton.

  17. Reply
    Don Linrothe says

    Wow!!

    Just another reason the right wing wackos are , well……nuts. Dillusional and out of touch stuck in the 50’s. Who wastes their time coming up with this BS ?

  18. Reply
    Serpentine says

    Hey, isn’t that a character from Stargate?

  19. Reply
    Carey Schug says

    I wonder how many moronic republicans will take this seriously….

  20. Reply
    brandan says

    I do with craft my self and the blue moon comes every 3 years .. this article is just hands down not true .. the reason they call it a blue mean is due to every 3 years there’s a extra fullmoon in the cycle (orginaly only 12 but the Blue moon makes it 13 ) the way the moon got its name is from the old time when the farmers use to use the moon cycle to tell them the crop rotation (seasons) and they called the extra moon bluea meaning the betrayer moon . That’s how the blue moon got its name just educate your self

  21. Reply
    Adam Ives says

    Look mom! Breaking News on FOX!

  22. Reply
    Holly says

    I like to be open minded but this is I little hard to believe

  23. Reply
    Darling queen of "ya ma" says

    Well…this stuff is real ok and the world will end soon. You better be ready for when Jesus comes back

  24. Reply
    Darling queen of "ya ma" says

    Better be ready…

  25. Reply
    kc says

    dude this is nothing comped to the things that I know. so just forget about it.

  26. Reply
    iris says

    really, nobody is going to make a joke about obama being able to lift mjolnir?

  27. Reply
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  30. Reply
    yahwat says

    you guyz should start reading your bibles maybe you will understand. you foolz.

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