Austin, Texas – Only 72 hours into Jade Helm and civilian gays are already employing use of guerrilla warfare.
Eyewitnesses report that gay men are running up to nuclear families and pulling out aerosol canisters, which emit some sort of rainbow-colored gas when pressed. The gas is potent and thought to be the very same homosexual chemtrail agent Obama has used in his global war to destroy Jesus and legalize gay marriage.
Two days ago, a gay man attacked Texas Governor Greg Abbott. Religious Freedom Fighters (RFF) report communiques between known gay power players in Texas, showing that there is an organized effort to force the governor to inhale some of Obama’s morally lethal homosexual chemtrail.
The plan seems to be meant for use against not only strongholds of morality in Texas, but any man seen with a nuclear family or heteronormative habits. Rogue, discrete gays are concealing and carrying these aerosol cans and suddenly running up to straight men, pinning their victim’s head down as they spray a good dose on them.
With such a high dosage directly administered, Texan men are finding themselves becoming more and more confused about their homosexuality. The CDC reports that although the national average of homosexuality stands at a startling 2.2%, in Texas over 41% of Texan men now openly confirm their homosexuality.
This number does not include those who are secretive or agnostic about their homosexuality.