[adinserter block=”3”]Residents in the town of Waco, Texas, were the first to notice something amiss with Christmas lights after the town lit up a large, sprawling display of lights had families show up. After an hour or two of lights, eyewitnesses report ‘men were clustering around coffee stands, ordering elaborate hot-spiced frappes and rubbing one another to stay warm as they waited for baristas to finish making the drinks’.
Other acts of homosexuality were observed, from accented singing to allegedly some men purposefully finding themselves under mistletoe and kissing with lips. [adinserter block=”2″]The CDL of Texas is warning straight people to immediately turn off any blinking patterns of lights, as it is next to impossible to tell what blinking patterns gays have programmed to electronically short-circuit the morality portion of the brain that allows the body to act on homosexual impulses. What is known is that gay scientists have worked for years to use chemicals and light patterns to alter the brain chemistry so that more people could become gay.
Comments(79)
Dustin says
December 26, 2016 at 5:57 pmWell it figures gays would be striking back hard. I hope VP Pence will get to build some of those gay curing machines they have in Indiana. It’s just like when a machine blows its fuse, you gotta replace the broken fuse. The brain is no different and gays are proving the point here. You fix the part of the gay brain that is shorted out, they will get right back to wanting women just how their body was designed to do.
Brian Arnold Webster says
December 26, 2016 at 6:09 pmThats the brain sorted, but whats with the prostate gland? Seems like god gave man the tool to enjoy things up their bum!?
John Mayer says
December 27, 2016 at 9:13 amDamn, you must have a better proctologist than I do. The worst part of a physical.
Susan says
December 27, 2016 at 4:48 amI am one of those lesbians who used one of those machines, and you’re right. My broken fuse got fixed and I got right back to wanting women, just like my body was created to.
Touché Girl# says
December 27, 2016 at 4:31 pmTouché. Dyslexic Atheists unite against Dog!
amanda weidmann says
December 27, 2016 at 1:07 pmwow are you nuts or what
Kat says
December 27, 2016 at 10:52 pmI’m disappointed by your comment, Dustin!! Being gay is genetic, just like being short, or having blue eyes! You can’t “cure” someone from being gay!! All you are doing is torturing them!! Conversion therapy should be outlawed, if it hasn’t already been!! Homosexuality has been around throughout all recorded history. It’s just how we perceive it that changes!!
Henry says
December 28, 2016 at 1:56 amKat, christian conversion therapy, i.e. “The Inqusition”, has ended, apparently VP Pence will bring it back for athiests, just like his gay conversion therapy.
However, on another note, just remind these hypocrates they can subjected to christian conversian therapy as well as gays can, because not one of them actually follows their bible worth a damn!
Kendall says
January 7, 2017 at 11:37 pmExactly! I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to teach him genetics. He believes in a machine that fixes gay people! Guess they keep it in the woods protected by Bigfoot, by the lake were the loch Ness comes to read bed time stories to visiting chupacabras!
WhoMe says
December 4, 2017 at 1:34 amHey Kat. I’ve heard some conversion therapy works. I’ve actually been thinking about it. Once I’m done I’m gonna start grabbing random women by the p****! If it’s good enough for ’45’…
Mel says
December 29, 2016 at 4:55 amYou obviously didn’t need help becoming gay, but need help admitting it!
Kendall says
January 7, 2017 at 11:30 pmDustin, you need to go use that machine. Your entire brain was broken from the get go! Just shows what happens when you cut education for 20 years. Half our country are idiotic fools whom embrace the very people that are promising them strength and a better life but kicking them in the need and taking their livelihood and Constitutional rights!
Kendall says
January 7, 2017 at 11:42 pmWhile kicking you in the “Nees” not “need”
carrie says
July 3, 2017 at 5:51 pmHow about “knees” lol?
Brian Cummings says
December 24, 2017 at 1:30 amyour constitutional rights are being taken away as we speak by the ass you voted for. good job. america is SO MUCH BETTER NOW!
christmas lights don’t turn you gay. If you have an attack of “the feels” it’s because you have a SOUL, not a penchant to be stuffed like a sausage.
sylvain raymond says
December 25, 2017 at 4:16 pmWe should short you balls and see if you turn gay… Pence IS a closet HOMO… has been for years!!!
Probably just like you!!!!
LOL!!!!
Michelle obrien says
December 26, 2016 at 6:44 pmthat’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.if blinking lights can make people gay,10 blinking lights could make gays straight.and the preachers would use them in church and nobody would be gay
Rhett says
December 26, 2016 at 8:29 pmThese gays are out of control, lustiing for flesh! Get out of my country if you cannot accept marriage is for a man and woman!
John says
December 27, 2016 at 12:53 amYou stupid little man….This is OUR country too. NO ONE wants you….i PROMISE. By the way….im married to my amazing husband, and your ignorance and hatred will never change that. You lose. 🙂
Melissa Libby says
December 28, 2016 at 1:14 pmGod bless you and your husband! And I commend you both! Congrats on getting married! May your love last forever and ever!
Brian Cummings says
December 24, 2017 at 1:31 amamen sister!
Kinsey6 says
December 27, 2016 at 3:26 amWow you really are incredibly stupid. For one thing, this is a satire story. You do understand what “satire” means don’t you? And if you think that “gays are out of control” and “lusting for flesh”, then maybe you’ve never of the typical American HETEROSEXUAL male. And marriage is also for people of the same sex, too. Perhaps you didn’t hear, but the Supreme Court ruled that gay people have the right to marry. That’s the way it used to be too, up until about the year 300 AD, before the Christian church decided to become hateful narrow-minded bigots and changed it. So, maybe it’s YOU who should leave the country if you can’t accept that gay people are equal citizens under the law.
Carolyn says
December 27, 2016 at 3:38 amRhett gays are EVERYWHERE; not just in “your country”. How does that even affect YOU! IT doesn’t! So let people live their lives! What do you care what 2 consenting adults do in their bedrooms???? It’s none of our business! Shame on yo for judging!
Justin says
December 27, 2016 at 4:20 pmRhett, rhis is my country too and even more so because i believe in a diverse collection of every kind of being all coloberating to make the best possible community and country we can. Close minded people who can’t see a need for everyone just aren’t helpful. Try to think outside the box. Or try playing with yours, who knows you just might smile amidst the joy of your orgasim and realize we’re all in this thing called life, together.
mike says
December 27, 2016 at 4:52 pmRhett, why don’t YOU get out of our country and take all those bigots and racists with you. Perhaps an island somewhere then you can live your fairytale lives and be happy and content with your “religion” because trust me no one here wants any part of it.
Anne says
December 29, 2016 at 3:08 pmPlease don’t send him to my island. We have enough of his kind here.
Michael Austin says
December 27, 2016 at 6:34 pmRhett, it’s no wonder you actually believe this crap with your mentality. LOL. Funniest thing I’ve read all day.
Brenda says
December 27, 2016 at 9:49 pmYour country? I’m native, your in my peoples country, and I’m tran, and I’m proud. And no beef eating hater is going to force us out of OUR country! Live with it!
Scott says
December 28, 2016 at 12:02 amYou realize it’s a joke right? Just like you and your pathetic response.
Jen says
December 28, 2016 at 1:09 amRhett, this is a great opportunity for you to think something through. Let’s say you walk into a bar that you don’t realize is gay. And a guy walks up to you a grabs your crotch and makes lewd sexual comments to you. Let’s play out those emotions; horrified, scared, insulted, just some of the many options. Now let’s say you see that guy running for president, and he gets elected. Now let’s talk about the emotions; disgusted, horrified, insulted, among the many options. Welcome to the world of being a woman. Where 98% of rapes are attacks in their home. Single moms, elderly women, young girls. Are they raped by gays? Nope, straight guys like you. I’m glad you’re feeling fear (although not glad you can’t see gay guys are just regular fun people that are probably all around you), because those moments of fear show you what every woman, and now with trump, every minority race, religion, orientation, etc, feel EVERY DAY. I’m glad you’re happy about your pig Trump getting elected. But I am not.
Larry says
December 28, 2016 at 4:57 pmExactly!
Henry says
December 28, 2016 at 2:02 amCongress shall make NO law respecting an establishment of religion! Rhett how about come up with one reason your “Space Alien” not born on this planet, but created man and woman on it, does not have anything to do with! Can you? USA is NOT a Christian, Jewish or Muslium country no matter what you believe! Prove your alien creator exist.
Jim says
December 30, 2016 at 10:40 pmGod Almighty Rhett is a DICK too !!!
judy sm says
December 24, 2017 at 2:16 pmRhett, you get out…..
m says
December 27, 2016 at 1:49 amHey! This is totally unfair! How come the lights aren’t converting the women too? This is so f*n sexist! All these newly gay men running around, leaving a bunch of hotties unattended. I guess I’m just gonna have to go there and convert those babes the old-fashioned way.
Ky says
December 27, 2016 at 5:07 pmGimme a call, I’ll go with…
Rhett Thompson says
December 27, 2016 at 2:32 amBeing an American during these Obama years has been so stressful, not knowing when a gay men are just going to come tackle you on the street and have their way with you January 20 will not get here fast enough I will finally be able to get a good nights sleep without worrying about some gays breaking into my home an dtrying to have their way .
Matt says
December 27, 2016 at 6:10 amIt’s doubtful any GAY man would want anything to do with you. Unless he had some kind of UGLY fetish. Trust… You’re safe
Jon says
December 27, 2016 at 6:13 amTrust… You have nothing to worry about. No gay man (unless he was BLIND) would be interested. You are SAFE
Rhett Thompson says
December 27, 2016 at 8:11 amHow would you know that?
Joe says
December 27, 2016 at 2:30 pmIt’s a well known fact that us straight men are like a exotic dish to the gay palette. It would be like getting steak and caviar washed down by an aged wine for any gay man to be able to take a straight man. He has every right to be worried about this.
Brenda says
December 27, 2016 at 9:53 pmI’m gonna take a wild guess, your retarded, arnt you? You seem to know the gay man so much, your gay arnt you??? Jury?
Naz51j says
December 30, 2016 at 5:35 amDon’t flatter yourself… you’re wrong. Gay men have much more discerning taste than to choose Rhett or you, or anyone who thinks like you, or looks like Rhett! So sorry to burst your bubble!
Tim says
January 2, 2017 at 8:17 pmHaving had this same argument used on me for the past 45 years that all straight men are at risk was and is ridiculous. There are other qualifiers involved in the decision to “take a straight man”; physical attributes and intelligence to name just two.
Lover says
December 27, 2016 at 6:14 amYou’re safe.. No gay man would want someone so U G L Y
Rhett Thompson says
December 27, 2016 at 8:12 amI really hope they think I am, but if that was the case they wouldnt be trying to get rights to use the same bathroom stalls as when your going would they?
Tye says
December 27, 2016 at 12:06 pmGay men have the right to use the same public restroom and changing facilities as you.
Joe says
December 27, 2016 at 2:25 pmWhat gives a gay man the right to come into my stall while I am using the bathroom?
Kat says
December 27, 2016 at 10:55 pmSTruth!!
Barbara DeMoss says
December 28, 2016 at 7:45 amI have tried the doors on restroom stalls because I couldn’t tell if someone was in there. That doesn’t mean I am a lesbian … it means I have to pee. I am sure the same goes for men. Get over yourselves … you all are not all that desirable.
Matt says
December 27, 2016 at 6:17 amHave to agree with previous comment. YOU ARE COMPLETELY safe. Only a blind man or woman would want to touch you… even after… they would be as disgusted as if they could see..
YOU ARE SAFE
Rhett Thompson says
December 27, 2016 at 8:13 amJust like a liberal to resort to insults when the heat is turned up and logic is required. And for the record my woman finds me just fine .
Jeanne says
December 27, 2016 at 12:51 pmHey Rhett? I’m straight, female and conservative. I wouldn’t want anything to do with you either.
Bob says
December 27, 2016 at 3:56 pmA gay horse may be attracted to you so stay away from farms.
Jake says
December 28, 2016 at 8:28 pmLogic? How are you yourself using logic saying things like “Gays want to use my bathroom stall at the same time!” when you have no evidence of any of that? That’s called being a bigot, you’re making up your own situations to rationalize your own unwarranted fear. The exact definition of being a bigot, you fear what you don’t understand while remaining intolerable of the other side of the coin. Crawl out from under your rock and educate yourself please.
mike says
December 27, 2016 at 4:53 pmIf that is you in the photo. you have nothing to worry about. nothing!
Michael Austin says
December 27, 2016 at 6:36 pmOh please Rhett, if that’s your real photo than you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.
Larry says
December 27, 2016 at 7:44 pmOh, you mean like men do to women all the time?
Brandon says
December 28, 2016 at 1:32 pmRhett you’re hideous..no gay man will want you for your handsome good looks..which you lack
Alex says
December 28, 2016 at 9:04 pmRhett: WHEN was the last time a gay guy tackled you on the street?
WHEN was the last time a Gay guy assaulted you?
WHEN was the last time a Gay guy broke into your apartment to “have their way” with you?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME A GAY MARRIAGE RUINED YOURS??
Looking at your ugly puss, I think you are just mad that WE can get some, and you cannot!! It is not only your ugly puss, but your HORRIBLY UGLY attitude and demeanor.
BTW… it is HETERO Bastards like YOU who commit all those crimes you speak of – against WOMEN! But you probably don’t really care about that.
Justin says
December 29, 2016 at 6:03 amYou have got to be seriously joking here. No one can be this stupid
Kendall says
January 7, 2017 at 11:50 pmWTF ??? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!
I DON’T THINK IN THE HISTORY OF THE HUMAN RACE THAT SENERO OF A GROUP OF GAYS RAPING A RIDICULOUS ,HIDEOUS FOOL OF A MAN!!! The best that you could even come up with something like that just shows how screwed up you are!!! And if you really do have that here and it keeps you up at night maybe it’s not the fact of that scenario happening that scares you but the fact that you’re trying to deny yourself the suppressed homosexual urges you had all your life! That would seem to make more sense than what you came up with lol
Christopher Forsha says
December 23, 2017 at 6:08 pmI know what you mean Rhett. I’ve just been constantly thinking about walking down the street, and these gay men in tight tank tops, muscles rippling from their gay gyms, sweat dripping down their pecks, coming at me with giant throbbing erections. I can’t get it out of my head, how they would grab me by either arms, start rubbing and touching me. Holding me down no matter how I struggle me the big one in the middle, maybe a black or Latino, with a thick mustasche starts kissing me and fondling my nipples. The two in either side tear my clothes off me. I could go on, but that thought is horrible. Damn gay men, and their gay muscles.
Bobby says
December 24, 2017 at 6:01 pmRhett, how often do you REALLY lay in bed at night thinking about this? he who screams the loudest, is diverting attention AWAY from him, don’t worry it only hurts the first time and I’m sure well past that!! ( Just like YOUR leader tRump)
Luis m Santiago says
December 27, 2016 at 3:27 amI have heard incoherent statements before but this is the winner….why are so many people so interested in what goes on in other people’s lives…or for that matter others sexuality…..isn’t it enough that we just elected the most controversial bigot since Joe Mccarthy as president, but now we have lights that turn men into homosexual….wakeup it means they always had the inclination…nobody makes you homosexual. Don’t we have enough with other countries laughing at our entire political system .
Brenda says
December 27, 2016 at 9:52 amEither this is satire or these are paranoid morons.
jes says
December 27, 2016 at 1:52 pmhaha. Reading the comments I guess it is true that Americans don’t do irony.
gunner says
December 27, 2016 at 2:36 pmThere was a movie from way back called Deliverance. In one scene it shows a gay man’s ultimate fantasy and until this day it remains the most watched scene by gays. A group of friends go kayaking and get turned around. They come across a type of gay called a ‘Mountain Bear’, these are gays hidden in backwood areas that you would think are fellow moral non-urban minority types who have common sense and who voted for President Trump. Wrong, gays will hide everywhere and lay in wait because they are ambush predators when it comes to coming up with ways to insert themselves into sraight men.
Anyway, one of the gays gets the upper hand by pulling out a gun and telling this nice heteronormal business man to squeal like a pig and then just goes downhill from there treats him like you’d a stubborn date on prom night. It’s just horrible to think gay men would try to treat a man like a woman but that’s how they do.
Miichael says
December 27, 2016 at 5:26 pmI am appalled by the stupidity of these so called straight men. First off, they can’t see that this is satire. And then the homely one, yes that’s you Rhett, thinks he is gods gift to gay men, then he rebukes the guy for pointing out how sad and truly ugly he is, hy saying that guys are name calling when ‘logic’ is being used? Rhett, You are a total freak and have the Brain of a dirt clod, plus the straight woman things you sre ugly and a totally unappetizing piece of homely flesh that likes to think that ‘thé gays’ are out after his ugly ass. And if You are so worried about men tackling you and having their way with you, you might want
to get your ugly ass to a Pence ‘reconditioning’ center because why would a so called straight man be loosing sleep over something so preposterous as a man actually wanting you? And please
Post a Picture of your woman, so that we can all laugh about how ugly people attract ugly people, because I’m sure that she is as ugly as you are and as stupid as dirt like yourself. And does she have a ‘Deliverance’ fantasy about women? Or is that just your fantasy? And how do those panties feel against your ‘manly’ skin?
Awzee says
December 27, 2016 at 5:41 pmI am deeply concerned about Pence running the country because if ever there is a closeted gay man, its him. Looking at his face its clearly visible that he dreams of nothing but cock.
BigDawg2020 says
December 27, 2016 at 6:58 pmI was actually enjoying reading the comments until I realized that some of these people are serious. Stupid ol’ me is thinking “this is the best string of satirical comments I’ve seen Magic Johnson slept with Kareem Abdul Jabar and got AIDS,” then i realized “dayum, some of these people are morons.”
Tommy D says
December 27, 2016 at 8:17 pmThis was a gaylash, pure and simple. Gays are angry and retaliating by trying to whip us in to submission. I cannot wait for President Trump to stack the Supreme Court so we can recrimalize gay marriage and make DOMA a constitutional amendment. “Marriage shall be between a man and his woman”.
Jennifer says
December 28, 2016 at 10:49 pmDo you seriously say a man and “his” woman? As in property? God, men like you are THE biggest problem this world faces. No wonder you’re a Trump supporter. Nothing but sheep. Most of you, anyways.
Breed7 says
December 27, 2016 at 9:13 pmWow, I had no idea straight men were so brainless as to be that easily converted. I guess if they can believe in an invisible magic fairy man in the sky (who demands that they love his son more than anyone else), then of course they’ll be susceptible to turning gay just by seeing lights. I need to set up bigger light displays next year, because I have some hot straight male neighbors on my street.
Sean Mallory says
December 28, 2016 at 12:02 amWe’ll see how nefarious their plots are when gay conversion therapy becomes a mandatory for anyone in public schools or a state/federal job!
Tom says
December 28, 2016 at 9:33 amAre you people really this stupid that you believe this story?? Flashing lights turning men gay?? Really? Well, if you really believe it then I think that you should lobby the Christmas Light industry to STOP making BLINKING lights!!! If they stop the old ones eventually wear out. So you can stop this from happening!!!
Rachel Baber says
December 28, 2016 at 10:17 amTotal tosh!
Chazz says
December 30, 2016 at 12:19 pmWho knew? By the way, where can I get these gay conversion lights? There are a few straight hotties I know that I’d like to change over to play on my team.
Vincent says
July 11, 2018 at 1:06 pmGet out of your country? If you are homeless, pay taxes, bills, rent or even if you get payments off the government – you don’t own anything and never will.
Considering the domain is liberaldarkness.com, I would say the person who is publishing this fake news is having a joke. if you believe this shit you’re an idiot.
Meanwhile, there are bigger issues in this world people have to worry about