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ALERT: Gays Using Christmas Light Blinking Patterns To Convert Straight Men Into Homosexuality

Gays have pooled their vast resources to unleash a plan that will have many straight-family men waking up gay on December 26th.  The Christian Defense League of Texas reports new studies prove staring at a new blinking cadence in holiday lights leaves men “feeling virile and yearning for the musk of other men’.

Residents in the town of Waco, Texas, were the first to notice something amiss with Christmas lights after the town lit up a large, sprawling display of lights had families show up.  After an hour or two of lights, eyewitnesses report ‘men were clustering around coffee stands, ordering elaborate hot-spiced frappes and rubbing one another to stay warm as they waited for baristas to finish making the drinks’.

Other acts of homosexuality were observed, from accented singing to allegedly some men purposefully finding themselves under mistletoe and kissing with lips.

The CDL of Texas is warning straight people to immediately turn off any blinking patterns of lights, as it is next to impossible to tell what blinking patterns gays have programmed to electronically short-circuit the morality portion of the brain that allows the body to act on homosexual impulses.  What is known is that gay scientists have worked for years to use chemicals and light patterns to alter the brain chemistry so that more people could become gay.

 

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Comments(71)

  1. Reply
    Dustin says

    Well it figures gays would be striking back hard. I hope VP Pence will get to build some of those gay curing machines they have in Indiana. It’s just like when a machine blows its fuse, you gotta replace the broken fuse. The brain is no different and gays are proving the point here. You fix the part of the gay brain that is shorted out, they will get right back to wanting women just how their body was designed to do.

    • Reply
      Brian Arnold Webster says

      Thats the brain sorted, but whats with the prostate gland? Seems like god gave man the tool to enjoy things up their bum!?

      • Reply
        John Mayer says

        Damn, you must have a better proctologist than I do. The worst part of a physical.

    • Reply
      Susan says

      I am one of those lesbians who used one of those machines, and you’re right. My broken fuse got fixed and I got right back to wanting women, just like my body was created to.

      • Reply
        Touché Girl# says

        Touché. Dyslexic Atheists unite against Dog!

    • Reply
      amanda weidmann says

      wow are you nuts or what

    • Reply
      Kat says

      I’m disappointed by your comment, Dustin!! Being gay is genetic, just like being short, or having blue eyes! You can’t “cure” someone from being gay!! All you are doing is torturing them!! Conversion therapy should be outlawed, if it hasn’t already been!! Homosexuality has been around throughout all recorded history. It’s just how we perceive it that changes!!

      • Reply
        Henry says

        Kat, christian conversion therapy, i.e. “The Inqusition”, has ended, apparently VP Pence will bring it back for athiests, just like his gay conversion therapy.

        However, on another note, just remind these hypocrates they can subjected to christian conversian therapy as well as gays can, because not one of them actually follows their bible worth a damn!

      • Reply
        Kendall says

        Exactly! I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to teach him genetics. He believes in a machine that fixes gay people! Guess they keep it in the woods protected by Bigfoot, by the lake were the loch Ness comes to read bed time stories to visiting chupacabras!

    • Reply
      Mel says

      You obviously didn’t need help becoming gay, but need help admitting it!

    • Reply
      Kendall says

      Dustin, you need to go use that machine. Your entire brain was broken from the get go! Just shows what happens when you cut education for 20 years. Half our country are idiotic fools whom embrace the very people that are promising them strength and a better life but kicking them in the need and taking their livelihood and Constitutional rights!

      • Reply
        Kendall says

        While kicking you in the “Nees” not “need”

        • Reply
          carrie says

          How about “knees” lol?

  2. Reply
    Michelle obrien says

    that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.if blinking lights can make people gay,10 blinking lights could make gays straight.and the preachers would use them in church and nobody would be gay

  3. Reply
    Rhett says

    These gays are out of control, lustiing for flesh! Get out of my country if you cannot accept marriage is for a man and woman!

    • Reply
      John says

      You stupid little man….This is OUR country too. NO ONE wants you….i PROMISE. By the way….im married to my amazing husband, and your ignorance and hatred will never change that. You lose. 🙂

      • Reply
        Melissa Libby says

        God bless you and your husband! And I commend you both! Congrats on getting married! May your love last forever and ever!

    • Reply
      Kinsey6 says

      Wow you really are incredibly stupid. For one thing, this is a satire story. You do understand what “satire” means don’t you? And if you think that “gays are out of control” and “lusting for flesh”, then maybe you’ve never of the typical American HETEROSEXUAL male. And marriage is also for people of the same sex, too. Perhaps you didn’t hear, but the Supreme Court ruled that gay people have the right to marry. That’s the way it used to be too, up until about the year 300 AD, before the Christian church decided to become hateful narrow-minded bigots and changed it. So, maybe it’s YOU who should leave the country if you can’t accept that gay people are equal citizens under the law.

    • Reply
      Carolyn says

      Rhett gays are EVERYWHERE; not just in “your country”. How does that even affect YOU! IT doesn’t! So let people live their lives! What do you care what 2 consenting adults do in their bedrooms???? It’s none of our business! Shame on yo for judging!

    • Reply
      Justin says

      Rhett, rhis is my country too and even more so because i believe in a diverse collection of every kind of being all coloberating to make the best possible community and country we can. Close minded people who can’t see a need for everyone just aren’t helpful. Try to think outside the box. Or try playing with yours, who knows you just might smile amidst the joy of your orgasim and realize we’re all in this thing called life, together.

    • Reply
      mike says

      Rhett, why don’t YOU get out of our country and take all those bigots and racists with you. Perhaps an island somewhere then you can live your fairytale lives and be happy and content with your “religion” because trust me no one here wants any part of it.

      • Reply
        Anne says

        Please don’t send him to my island. We have enough of his kind here.

    • Reply
      Michael Austin says

      Rhett, it’s no wonder you actually believe this crap with your mentality. LOL. Funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    • Reply
      Brenda says

      Your country? I’m native, your in my peoples country, and I’m tran, and I’m proud. And no beef eating hater is going to force us out of OUR country! Live with it!

    • Reply
      Scott says

      You realize it’s a joke right? Just like you and your pathetic response.

    • Reply
      Jen says

      Rhett, this is a great opportunity for you to think something through. Let’s say you walk into a bar that you don’t realize is gay. And a guy walks up to you a grabs your crotch and makes lewd sexual comments to you. Let’s play out those emotions; horrified, scared, insulted, just some of the many options. Now let’s say you see that guy running for president, and he gets elected. Now let’s talk about the emotions; disgusted, horrified, insulted, among the many options. Welcome to the world of being a woman. Where 98% of rapes are attacks in their home. Single moms, elderly women, young girls. Are they raped by gays? Nope, straight guys like you. I’m glad you’re feeling fear (although not glad you can’t see gay guys are just regular fun people that are probably all around you), because those moments of fear show you what every woman, and now with trump, every minority race, religion, orientation, etc, feel EVERY DAY. I’m glad you’re happy about your pig Trump getting elected. But I am not.

      • Reply
        Larry says

        Exactly!

    • Reply
      Henry says

      Congress shall make NO law respecting an establishment of religion! Rhett how about come up with one reason your “Space Alien” not born on this planet, but created man and woman on it, does not have anything to do with! Can you? USA is NOT a Christian, Jewish or Muslium country no matter what you believe! Prove your alien creator exist.

    • Reply
      Jim says

      God Almighty Rhett is a DICK too !!!

  4. Reply
    m says

    Hey! This is totally unfair! How come the lights aren’t converting the women too? This is so f*n sexist! All these newly gay men running around, leaving a bunch of hotties unattended. I guess I’m just gonna have to go there and convert those babes the old-fashioned way.

    • Reply
      Ky says

      Gimme a call, I’ll go with…

  5. Rhett Thompson
    Reply
    Rhett Thompson says

    Being an American during these Obama years has been so stressful, not knowing when a gay men are just going to come tackle you on the street and have their way with you January 20 will not get here fast enough I will finally be able to get a good nights sleep without worrying about some gays breaking into my home an dtrying to have their way .

    • Reply
      Matt says

      It’s doubtful any GAY man would want anything to do with you. Unless he had some kind of UGLY fetish. Trust… You’re safe

    • Reply
      Jon says

      Trust… You have nothing to worry about. No gay man (unless he was BLIND) would be interested. You are SAFE

      • Rhett Thompson
        Reply
        Rhett Thompson says

        How would you know that?

      • Reply
        Joe says

        It’s a well known fact that us straight men are like a exotic dish to the gay palette. It would be like getting steak and caviar washed down by an aged wine for any gay man to be able to take a straight man. He has every right to be worried about this.

        • Reply
          Brenda says

          I’m gonna take a wild guess, your retarded, arnt you? You seem to know the gay man so much, your gay arnt you??? Jury?

        • Reply
          Naz51j says

          Don’t flatter yourself… you’re wrong. Gay men have much more discerning taste than to choose Rhett or you, or anyone who thinks like you, or looks like Rhett! So sorry to burst your bubble!

        • Reply
          Tim says

          Having had this same argument used on me for the past 45 years that all straight men are at risk was and is ridiculous. There are other qualifiers involved in the decision to “take a straight man”; physical attributes and intelligence to name just two.

    • Reply
      Lover says

      You’re safe.. No gay man would want someone so U G L Y

      • Rhett Thompson
        Reply
        Rhett Thompson says

        I really hope they think I am, but if that was the case they wouldnt be trying to get rights to use the same bathroom stalls as when your going would they?

        • Reply
          Tye says

          Gay men have the right to use the same public restroom and changing facilities as you.

          • Joe says

            What gives a gay man the right to come into my stall while I am using the bathroom?

      • Reply
        Kat says

        STruth!!

        • Reply
          Barbara DeMoss says

          I have tried the doors on restroom stalls because I couldn’t tell if someone was in there. That doesn’t mean I am a lesbian … it means I have to pee. I am sure the same goes for men. Get over yourselves … you all are not all that desirable.
          

    • Reply
      Matt says

      Have to agree with previous comment. YOU ARE COMPLETELY safe. Only a blind man or woman would want to touch you… even after… they would be as disgusted as if they could see..
      YOU ARE SAFE

      • Rhett Thompson
        Reply
        Rhett Thompson says

        Just like a liberal to resort to insults when the heat is turned up and logic is required. And for the record my woman finds me just fine .

        • Reply
          Jeanne says

          Hey Rhett? I’m straight, female and conservative. I wouldn’t want anything to do with you either.

        • Reply
          Bob says

          A gay horse may be attracted to you so stay away from farms.

        • Reply
          Jake says

          Logic? How are you yourself using logic saying things like “Gays want to use my bathroom stall at the same time!” when you have no evidence of any of that? That’s called being a bigot, you’re making up your own situations to rationalize your own unwarranted fear. The exact definition of being a bigot, you fear what you don’t understand while remaining intolerable of the other side of the coin. Crawl out from under your rock and educate yourself please.

    • Reply
      mike says

      If that is you in the photo. you have nothing to worry about. nothing!

    • Reply
      Michael Austin says

      Oh please Rhett, if that’s your real photo than you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.

    • Reply
      Larry says

      Oh, you mean like men do to women all the time?

    • Reply
      Brandon says

      Rhett you’re hideous..no gay man will want you for your handsome good looks..which you lack

    • Reply
      Alex says

      Rhett: WHEN was the last time a gay guy tackled you on the street?
      WHEN was the last time a Gay guy assaulted you?
      WHEN was the last time a Gay guy broke into your apartment to “have their way” with you?
      WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME A GAY MARRIAGE RUINED YOURS??
      Looking at your ugly puss, I think you are just mad that WE can get some, and you cannot!! It is not only your ugly puss, but your HORRIBLY UGLY attitude and demeanor.
      BTW… it is HETERO Bastards like YOU who commit all those crimes you speak of – against WOMEN! But you probably don’t really care about that.

    • Reply
      Justin says

      You have got to be seriously joking here. No one can be this stupid

    • Reply
      Kendall says

      WTF ??? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!
      I DON’T THINK IN THE HISTORY OF THE HUMAN RACE THAT SENERO OF A GROUP OF GAYS RAPING A RIDICULOUS ,HIDEOUS FOOL OF A MAN!!! The best that you could even come up with something like that just shows how screwed up you are!!! And if you really do have that here and it keeps you up at night maybe it’s not the fact of that scenario happening that scares you but the fact that you’re trying to deny yourself the suppressed homosexual urges you had all your life! That would seem to make more sense than what you came up with lol

  6. Reply
    Luis m Santiago says

    I have heard incoherent statements before but this is the winner….why are so many people so interested in what goes on in other people’s lives…or for that matter others sexuality…..isn’t it enough that we just elected the most controversial bigot since Joe Mccarthy as president, but now we have lights that turn men into homosexual….wakeup it means they always had the inclination…nobody makes you homosexual. Don’t we have enough with other countries laughing at our entire political system .

  7. Reply
    Brenda says

    Either this is satire or these are paranoid morons.

  8. Reply
    jes says

    haha. Reading the comments I guess it is true that Americans don’t do irony.

  9. Reply
    gunner says

    There was a movie from way back called Deliverance. In one scene it shows a gay man’s ultimate fantasy and until this day it remains the most watched scene by gays. A group of friends go kayaking and get turned around. They come across a type of gay called a ‘Mountain Bear’, these are gays hidden in backwood areas that you would think are fellow moral non-urban minority types who have common sense and who voted for President Trump. Wrong, gays will hide everywhere and lay in wait because they are ambush predators when it comes to coming up with ways to insert themselves into sraight men.

    Anyway, one of the gays gets the upper hand by pulling out a gun and telling this nice heteronormal business man to squeal like a pig and then just goes downhill from there treats him like you’d a stubborn date on prom night. It’s just horrible to think gay men would try to treat a man like a woman but that’s how they do.

  10. Reply
    Miichael says

    I am appalled by the stupidity of these so called straight men. First off, they can’t see that this is satire. And then the homely one, yes that’s you Rhett, thinks he is gods gift to gay men, then he rebukes the guy for pointing out how sad and truly ugly he is, hy saying that guys are name calling when ‘logic’ is being used? Rhett, You are a total freak and have the Brain of a dirt clod, plus the straight woman things you sre ugly and a totally unappetizing piece of homely flesh that likes to think that ‘thé gays’ are out after his ugly ass. And if You are so worried about men tackling you and having their way with you, you might want
    to get your ugly ass to a Pence ‘reconditioning’ center because why would a so called straight man be loosing sleep over something so preposterous as a man actually wanting you? And please
    Post a Picture of your woman, so that we can all laugh about how ugly people attract ugly people, because I’m sure that she is as ugly as you are and as stupid as dirt like yourself. And does she have a ‘Deliverance’ fantasy about women? Or is that just your fantasy? And how do those panties feel against your ‘manly’ skin?

  11. Reply
    Awzee says

    I am deeply concerned about Pence running the country because if ever there is a closeted gay man, its him. Looking at his face its clearly visible that he dreams of nothing but cock.

  12. Reply
    BigDawg2020 says

    I was actually enjoying reading the comments until I realized that some of these people are serious. Stupid ol’ me is thinking “this is the best string of satirical comments I’ve seen Magic Johnson slept with Kareem Abdul Jabar and got AIDS,” then i realized “dayum, some of these people are morons.”

  13. Reply
    Tommy D says

    This was a gaylash, pure and simple. Gays are angry and retaliating by trying to whip us in to submission. I cannot wait for President Trump to stack the Supreme Court so we can recrimalize gay marriage and make DOMA a constitutional amendment. “Marriage shall be between a man and his woman”.

    • Reply
      Jennifer says

      Do you seriously say a man and “his” woman? As in property? God, men like you are THE biggest problem this world faces. No wonder you’re a Trump supporter. Nothing but sheep. Most of you, anyways.

  14. Reply
    Breed7 says

    Wow, I had no idea straight men were so brainless as to be that easily converted. I guess if they can believe in an invisible magic fairy man in the sky (who demands that they love his son more than anyone else), then of course they’ll be susceptible to turning gay just by seeing lights. I need to set up bigger light displays next year, because I have some hot straight male neighbors on my street.

  15. Reply
    Sean Mallory says

    We’ll see how nefarious their plots are when gay conversion therapy becomes a mandatory for anyone in public schools or a state/federal job!

  16. Reply
    Tom says

    Are you people really this stupid that you believe this story?? Flashing lights turning men gay?? Really? Well, if you really believe it then I think that you should lobby the Christmas Light industry to STOP making BLINKING lights!!! If they stop the old ones eventually wear out. So you can stop this from happening!!!

  17. Reply
    Rachel Baber says

    Total tosh!

  18. Reply
    Chazz says

    Who knew? By the way, where can I get these gay conversion lights? There are a few straight hotties I know that I’d like to change over to play on my team.

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