Fire Ants Are Being Laced with Homosexual Chemtrails to Bite Christians And Convert Them To Homosexuality

Fire ants are being laced with homosexual chemtrails and then dumped in neighborhoods with higher per capita rates of Christianity.

[adinserter block=”1″]The homosexual chemtrail concoction contains a high concentration of gay endorphins.  Sources confirm that several exclusive gay clubs collected the spent sweats of late-night homosexuality, then sent them to a laboratory where in-vitro techniques were used to create this potent new form of biological homosexual chemtrail.

homosexual chemtrail fire antsWhen scientists presented this sweet-tasting mixture of gay body sweat and homosexual chemtrail to fire ants, they found the ants themselves take on the characteristics of a late-night gay man glistening with sweat at a dance party: exhausted but fueled by lurid drug combinations, constantly masticating and thirsty and high affinity toward heterosexual pheromones.

When placed next to a person who is not homosexual, the ants become restless and aroused, lifting their brightly colored abdominal areas in the air as if in some form of coital temptation, their jaws ravenously snapping toward the flesh of any non-gay person in their proxy.

[adinserter block=”3″]This shows the gay endorphins in the chemtrail are giving these fire ants the same desires gay men have for straight men:  fiercely strong and relentless.

Various Christian neighborhoods in Texas have been reporting a sharp increase in these chemtrail laced fire ants and the CDC is reporting a higher incidence of homosexuality in Texas.  This is all likely part of Obama’s Jade Helm invasion, but the Texas Chaper of the Christian Defense League suggests homeowners spray all of their doorways with bug guard and be vigilant in not becoming victimized by one of these ants.

[adinserter block=”5″]

One bite likely contains a high enough chemical concentration to make a man at least secretive or agnostic toward his growing desires of homosexuality.

Post a Comment


  1. Reply
    Cass says

    I told everyone that the gays were coming from our children. Why else would they do this unless they want these ants to run up to playground and family picnics and bite the children, laying the seeds of homosexuality in their bodies.

    I knew we would see things like this after gay marriage legalization.

    • Reply
      Bruce says

      Not sure if you need a sarcasm font, or a better grip on reality…

      • Reply
        Darah says

        Right?? LOL

        • Reply
          Smartyf says

          Cass was trolling for trolls and looks like she had a good day if fishin’. Even got ’em both in the boat…

      • Reply
        jazztemple2 says

        Bruce, hilarious response to the post above yours! Thanks.

    • Reply
      jeremy says

      liberaldarkness is a satire sight. please get mental help immediately.

    • Reply
      Lynn says

      you must be a special kind of stupid. The entire article is satire. Even if you didn’t realize the satire, a knowledge of basic high school chemistry would tell you that this is not possible. Also, for your edification, gay men do not want straight men. Homosexuals in general do not want straight people nor do they desire to convert anyone. Homosexual tendencies are inherent. Meaning you are born with them. As the child grows, they decide whether or not they wish to act on their desires. It will not matter how they are raised, what religion they are, what ethnicity they are; if the genetics of a person predispose them to being attracted to the same sex, they will decide whether or not to act on them. Trying to change them only causes mental chaos, causing them to internalize their feelings. This in turn leads to physical illness and mental illness. Imagine how you would become if someone tried to change you to a lesbian and gave you no other choices. It just dumbfounds me that I even have to try and makes someone understand the truth in the year of 2015. Open your eyes and your heart and stop believing scientifically stupid shit like this.

      • Reply
        Dale says

        Lynn, I see you have been well indoctrinated or you are very ignorant of the homosexual lifestyle. Believe me, if a gay man sees a straight person that they find sexually attractive, many will try to convert them. I do think that “trying to change them” could be a mistake and to no avail, but if it were my son or daughter I would certainly let them know that it’s not something they should act on. The fact that someone is trying to change them is not what leads them to physical illness and mental illness, it is that some of them have a concience that tells them that what they are doing is against nature itself. The radical homosexuals have done a good job of blaming others for all their problems. You recognize that what is stated by this tongue in cheek article is scientific nonsense, but why is it? It’s because of the fact that people are not genetically born that way. If it were indeed in their genetic makeup then it could possibly be done. I know all of us were not born perfect like you and some others were, but I made a lot of wrong choices as a young person and I am glad someone took enough interest in me to help me make a change for the better. Further more there have been numerous studies that have shown that how they are raised DOES make a difference, in that boys raised in a home with no positive father figure are more likely to have those homosexual tendencies. I have a young friend who was drawn into that lifestyle for a while and he tells everyone (not to blame the father in this case) that his dad was gone so much with the National Guard doing several tours oversees, that he identified with his sisters and mom than he did with men. Someone cared enough for this young man to give him what he needed to get out of that deadly lifestyle. Now I am not out to try to change every homosexual I see, but I certainly would encourage them to change if it were someone dear to me. OK, I have had my say, I am ready for the onslaught of stones that will now be hurled at me now for daring to tell the truth.

        • Reply
          jill says

          wow, you have been totally indoctrinated in the bull crap that the conservatives feed people.. everything you wrote is wrong… homosexual men do not want a straight man… and whether or not a child is raised with a positive father figure has nothing to do with them being gay or straight…

          • Donk says

            Jill says wrong. You must have not been around gay men. They are in fact attracted to other men, they are gay. So you are saying gay men just know when other men are gay or not? Some are obvious while others are not. They hit on straight men all the time, they don’t care, just like a straight guy hitting on a women they might like. You lady,
            do not know what you are talking about like many liberals.

          • ro says

            EXcuuuse me, Jill but this is not conservative bullshit. This is just ignorant bullshit. It has no political affiliation-other than the Stupid Party or Low Information Voters. I am Conservative and most Conservatives I know are not that stupid

          • Mark says

            Sorry “jill says”. You’re wrong about this. SOME gay men try to avoid straights, to avoid the drama. Some will hit on any man they find attractive (like many straight men will hit on any women they find attractive) Meanwhile I’ve known gay men who TRY to “convert” straights. They see it as kind of a challenge. You see similar behavior among some low brow straight men who are informed a woman they like is a lesbian. It’s not part of the “gay agenda”. It’s just human behavior.

        • Reply
          Besom says

          You are an idiot if you think any of the statement you made is at all accurate.

          • Jim Olson says

            You are an idiot if you think anyone can tell who you are responding to, Besom. Did you see what I did there, BESOM?

        • Reply
          Rain says

          I’m gay. So do your best to save me. Where did you learn all that stuff? In a dream? Because it’s scientifically inaccurate. But try me. I’ll listen.

        • Reply
          destinnie says

          Being homosexual is not a choice some people choose it because of their lifestyle but others don’t its who they are. You shouldn’t be trying to Change anyone but yourself on how to accept it. I have tried for years to be straight and could not. But that was because people made me feel wrong for being me. No matter what u should not judge. This ant thing is not real. And being gay has a lot to do with chromosomes.but some people believe in reincarnation and believe that they were once a man or a woman in another life. Christians these days are not who they claim to be. God saidnot to judge. That is his job not anyone else’s. If he didn’t want gwy people then why are there he she’s? Technically they are straight but also gay because they have both parts. Stop trying to change someone! All your making them be is someone they are not because you are making them feel ashamed. This whole controversy or whatever is overrated. People need to go on about their lives not others. I hate seeing people dis on homosexuals.

        • Reply
          Chris says

          @Dale. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Please refrain from using the internet until you have grown a brain. Thanks, The World.

          • annie says

            Cheer cheer, chris. Well said.

        • Reply
          dave says

          Opinion and truth are not necessarily the same same thing, and y
          your understanding of what constitutes “facts” is, to put it bluntly, sad.

        • Reply
          sue says

          i do hope that this is a continuation of the satire. it is even more ridiculous than the original article.

        • Reply
          Jerry says

          so , Dale…. You are saying this as an experienced gay man? Or at least a guy who was “changed” by one? That’s what it sounds like. But if not , shut your pie hole and that a gay person speak for themselves.

        • Reply
          Jerry says

          so , Dale…. You are saying this as an experienced gay man? Or at least a guy who was “changed” by one? That’s what it sounds like. But if not , shut your pie hole and let a gay person speak for themselves.

        • Reply
          Angela says

          I don’t think gay people care about going after you or your children. Just because they’re gay doesn’t mean they don’t have standards. No homosexual I’ve ever met (and trust me, I’m in entertainment so I know MANY gay friends) has ever, ever, ever tried to “turn” anyone gay. Your young friend wasn’t “drawn into the lifestyle”, he simply identified with women. And someone brainwashed him to believe that was wrong. You’re quite the idiot, sir.

        • Reply
          Zippy says

          LMFAO DALE, LMFAO.

        • Reply
          Steve says

          Dale, whenever someone claims that we “Choose” to be Gay, straight, or Bi, they’re not even aware that they are exposing their own uncertainty, with their own sexuality…Simply because they are stating that they, at some point, made the decision (as in your case) to be straight…I mean, it stands to reason if you choose to be gay, or Bi, you must also choose to be straight, right?…Or, am I missing something?….Did you really need to make that choice?…I never had to make that decision. I happen to be a straight male, who was never attracted to the same sex…I couldn’t even fathom making a choice…Think about it, my friend…You are definitely confused.

        • Reply
          Tim says

          Dale, You comments have no basis in fact whatsoever. I’m not hurling stones at you, I’m just telling you the truth, nothing in your post is even vaguely accurate.

        • Reply
          biddi says

          So, using your logic, Dale (and I am assuming you are a straight man), if you were attracted to a woman whom you later found out was a lesbian, you would try to ‘convert’ her to heterosexuality? Can you see why your argument falls flat? Sure, there must’ve been times when a gay man was attracted to a man whom he later found out was straight. But the upshot of it is that the said gay man would walk away (maybe a little heartbroken for a while, but knowing full well that said straight man was off-limits). Being gay has nothing to do with any indoctrination. It’s not a religion or ideology. It’s just who someone is – just like being straight, bi, trans!

        • Reply
          Anonymous says

          Yeah, no… You’re born this way and I would know because i’m gay. I’ve had a perfect father figure in my life and 3 brothers that have been around me a lot. I still chose to play with barbie dolls, etc.. As I got a little bit older I realized that I wasn’t even interested in women like the other boys were. I came to find out that I was gay. I accept myself. God made me this way and there’s no possible way that i’m going to change it. It’s like someone trying to tell you that you need to try and like guys. Yeah, it’s not happening. Some people CAN be super confused and come to find out that they’re heterosexual,but it doesn’t always come to be that way.

        • Reply
          Rod Man says

          I will “hurl no stones” at you, but as a gay man of many, MANY years, I will respectfully refute your words by maintaining with full confidence that I was indeed born this way. Since my earliest memories, which go back as early as 2 1/2 years of age, I remember “liking” other boys, and I had an active, caring father. With minimal effort, one can find numerous valid, scientific articles online supporting the FACT that sexual orientation is indeed ‘genetic’. Additionally, I ask you WHO in their right mind would CHOOSE to subject themselves to the bigotry and hatred of homophobia? As a gay boy raised in a fundamentalist Christian household (in the South, no less), I used to pray for the Lord to remove these feelings, but of course, that never happened. Thankfully, I have since learned that He does not condemn me the way fundamentalist Christians have TAUGHT me that He does. Without a doubt, Biblical interpretation has caused more harm to the mental health of individuals than any type of family dysfunction. I realize that my words will not sway your possibly stubborn opinion, but I could not continue my day without sharing my experience and my stance. Good day!

        • Reply
          Jim says

          Dale, you my friend are an idiot. I have gay family members, a surgeon, a DO, a dope smoker, volunteers that help the community. They all could burn you in a debate. Watch Fox news a bit more….

        • Reply
          Suppercut says

          guess what straight people do when they find a lesbian they find attractive OH WAIT I FORGOT double standards are okay as long as they support your agenda

        • Reply
          Rodney says

          When did you choose to b straight being that you think it’s a choice?

        • Reply
          Shaun says

          Hahahaha this guy ^^^ ?

        • Reply
          Elisabeth Bunnell OReilly says

          Please forgive me, but as a Christian, (sorry to be so blunt) but you need to read the Gospel of Matthew. Also, taking one supposed “Sin” that is barely even mentioned (and NEVER by Jesus) in the Bible where the situations are such that it is absolutely obvious it is certainly not something that should be so egregiously demonized; once in the OT as part of the Mosaic Law that Christians do not follow, and the other by Paul, who cited it as an abomination and the only time he used that phrased EXCEPT to admit he had thoughts and desires that were abominations….
          Love, non-judgement, understanding and tolerance are Christian virtues. This neo “Two sin Christianity” is anathema to everything Jesus taught.

        • Reply
          Donny says

          Lmfao – you are a special kind of crazy – when Trump disappears maybe he’ll take your mind with him? Nothing you said has any scientific proof. I was raised in a loving household – I’m gay, my two brothers aren’t. Explain that – nevermind, I don’t care what you think, I’ll take your comments as the insane rantings they are. God bless

        • Reply
          David says

          Is there oxygen on your planet?

        • Reply
          Mejustme says

          You speak truth. Any stones thrown, will come from the “glass houses” of the misled and misleading. Truth is truth. It should always be sought and shared. Never stop, or be shy about, speaking the truth.

        • Reply
          candy Applebaum says

          Dale = one of those “str8” weirdo bottoms that trolls the gay dating sites to find tops, LOL! Spouting all the old-timey misconceptions whilst sitting behind his keyboard in a haze of self-loathing …. yummy!

        • Reply
          Candy Applebaum says

          Dale = one of those “str8” bottoms that lurks the gay hook-up sites looking for tops, LOL! Spouting all the old-timey misconceptions whilst sitting behind his keyboard in a haze of self-loathing … yummy!

        • Reply
          Tom says

          Well Dale, psychologists and human behaviorists tell us that those who are most vehemently outspoken against homosexuality, like you, are themselves closeted homosexuals who do what they do to prove to themselves and the rest of the world that they are not in fact gay. Normally adjusted heterosexuals don’t feel threatened by homosexuality, so I guess we all know about you. You should do yourself a favor and think of all the hatred planted in your brain by other people, and finally admit to yourself what you REALLY want. I’m sure you’ll find it liberating.

        • Reply
          Lesbian Fireant says

          You spelled conscience wrong, but I’d venture a guess based on your comment that it’s because you don’t believe in science.

      • Reply
        Michaela says

        THANK YOU

      • Reply
        Ve Rona says

        For a moment, after reading the first two or so posts, I wondered the same. I was so glad to see people who understood satire.

      • Reply
        Antaine says

        I’m working on the assumption that “Lynn” is a female nom de plume. If this is true, how would Lynn (a woman/girl) know what a gay man wants? A lot of gay men absolutely go ape to bed a straight man who has crossed the Rubicon for a quick visit. Nothing sexier than virgin territory! While we have no desire to convert, short term visitation by confused (or just greedy) straight men will always be welcomed! As for failure to recognise satire, well, some people are just stupid..

      • Reply
        Atwas911 says

        Um.. I’m gay and i’ve had my fair share of straight men.. just saying..

        • Reply
          Arijan says

          First of all, Sure, there are gay men that will try to sleep with straight men they find attractive, Bc it’s NATURAL to do that when you’re attracted to someone, But if the straight man is comfortable in his sexuality he will just turn him down and take it as a compliment! In regards to this article, it’s utter nonsense, Sure, I believe it could be possible to alter genetic code but if they were going to do it I’m pretty sure they would find a much more effecient way of doing so! Fire ants…. REALLY??? Get a grip people!

        • Reply
          Elisabeth Bunnell OReilly says


      • Reply
        dena says

        Haha. Can you prove that “Homosexual tendencies are inherent”? Nope, didn’t think so. Everyone has to conquer their own desires sometime throughout their lives.

      • Reply
        SLM says

        Hon, get a grip – NO ONE believes it is possible to do this – the question some people have is is this satire or are the psycho “right” really trying to plant fear in their terminally stupid base by saying this is true.

      • Reply
        Jimmie says

        Please! If gay men don’t convert straight men, they’ll never get their toaster ovens!

      • Reply
        Melody says

        You must be a special kind of stupid.

        That entire comment was satire.

      • Reply
        Lmao says

        ‘Gay men do not want straight men’… yeah, that pretty much sums up what you know, lol.

      • Reply
        Brian says

        Lynn, awesome response. Your words are the smartest and eloquent words I have read in a long time. Thank you 🙂 If only more people would understand it the same way the world would be a much better place.

    • Reply
      Desirae says

      =_= please tell me you’re joking…

    • Reply
      Justin says

      Oh my god, dude. Its a joke. Everything that’s on this site is a joke specifically for morons like you to see if people actually believe it. So,I guess in that say it’s a social experiment. Seriously look at the other articles. Its all ridiculous just obvious enough so people could see it and laugh at those who take it seriously. So some damn research.

    • Reply
      Jim says

      “I told everyone that the gays were coming from our children.” Then you should stop having children.

      • Reply
        Amy says

        *snaps* AMEN:) teehee, teehee

    • Reply
      brittani says

      I hope your kidding cuz if not your a fucking idiot

    • Reply
      Andrew Jake Mladinich III says

      You’re not really that stupid, are you?
      You really are that homophobic!
      You are that un-Constitutional!
      Probably one of those religious freaks.
      You don’t believe in equal human rights!?!

    • Reply
      Jason says

      WOW! Pure ignorance! I can’t believe anyone would believe this story. It’s not scientifically possible for this to even transpire. I assume you’re one of those naive, uneducated followers that think for themselves. I feel really bad for your children, they are going to grow up dumb and ignorant as yourself.

    • Reply
      thishomohere says

      Girl are you stupid?

    • Reply
      Tim says

      Cass this is a satire site like The Onion. It’s NOT real. There’s no such thing as Chem trails and you can’t make someone gay.

      • Reply
        Anonymous says

        Just like you can’t make someone straight.

      • Reply
        Arijan says

        Actually… Chemtrails ARE very real, Several scientist and a few govt officials have admitted it! But yes, THIS article is total nonsense. A terrible joke written so those of us smart enough to know can get a laugh out of those that are just ignorant enough to believe it!

    • Reply
      Ce.ce says

      You do realize that the picture above was a project where they dyed sugar water to see how the ants store water. XD. Seriously

    • Reply
      Alex says

      You have to be mentally handicapped if you believe this. Gay sweat is normal sweat and endorphins are The bodies reaction to drugs it doesn’t make anybody gay.

    • Reply
      beairdboy says

      It happened to me at a church picnic. It was awful embarrassing , my wife started screaming as I suddenly started dancing disco and acting swishy. Next thing I knew The pastor slapped me after a large wet kiss. A sack was put over my head and I was taken to a gay rehab center.

      • Reply
        Rod Man says

        LMAO!!! Love it!!

    • Reply
      Kenny says

      You should check yourself in to the ER you may have had a stroke.

    • Reply
      Dirk says

      Oh no. I think a guy laid the seeds of homosexuality in me just last night.

    • Reply
      Joy says

      This is not true. God does not make anyone gay or lesbian or transgender or bi. Satan lies and deceives.

    • Reply
      Alex says

      Please tell me you aren’t serious? This is a satire website. If you truly believed this then you need to seek mental help immediately.

    • Reply
      phil says

      Your a complete asshole to believe this where do you get your smarts from

    • Reply
      Laurie says

      Bwaahahahahaha !!!!

    • Reply
      liam says

      Yep, you are one of a special kind lol. I have not laughed this hard for a while. Thanks for the laugh

  2. Reply
    Wtf says

    This is the most fucking retarded thing I’ve ever read in my life. If you honestly believe this you are fucking moron.

    • Reply
      BH says

      Thank You!!
      No way this is true, but I’ll bet some of the idiotic GOP and religious fanatics will believe this. One can only hope they get bitten by rabid bed bugs, and believe they will automatically turn gay. Like THAT is a reality??? (Insert sarcasm icon/emoji here)

    • Reply
      Chuck says

      Are evangelical busy bodies fu***ng morons?

      • Reply
        Kath says


      • Reply
        Annika says

        Yep, the evangelical busybodies are fucking morons, and making a whole bunch of baby evangelical morons. They should be sterilized!?

      • Reply
        Lauren says

        Guess what. I’m an Evangelical Christian and I find this WHOLE entire article satirical. So therefore, no, that does NOT make me a moron. I’m an English major so I’m pretty well versed in satire. Please refrain from assuming EVERY Christian is like that. I would appreciate it. This wole article was hilarious to me because I knew it was satire. Not all of us are “morons” I just thought I would let you know. That’s a very rude assumption.

        • Reply
          Ezzie says

          Lauren, you do understand how people forget there are normal Christians, don’t you? We rarely see you on news programs, talk shows, etc. So if we don’t know some in the real world (I’ve been fortunate enough to do so), there’s no one to refute the crazies. I just got lucky. 🙂

        • Reply
          Lou says

          I’m an aetheist, bisexual Liberal (so currently one of the most reviled beings on the planet ?) I respect people people with faith, though and I mostly find they don’t really care about my sexual orientation. I find they are intelligent and do have a sense of humour. We have interesting debates about faith. You’re absolutely right- no one person should be judged by any label. And thank you for your politeness ?

    • Reply
      Patrick says

      You, Mr. F., fail at sarcasm.

    • Reply
      Toni says


  3. Reply
    Love the comment bruce says

    Bruce, you’re cracking me up!

  4. Reply
    Jackie Montana 59330 says

    Firstly, the ants outside we see are female workers. So they’re intoxicted off party sweat, off alcohol, or any drugs excreted in the perspiration. If this story has ANY merit, which I doubt. Secondly, for those that “just knew this would happen” after the legalization of homosexual marriages, and feel this is a conspiracy theory, and planned attacks are targeted towards a specific relegion, or children, wake up, your husband/wife/child was born that way, and just finally sick of living a life of denial and hidden love that was so taboo. Your husband already liked the weiner, he can now divorce your nagging ass, and drop you from his insurance, and put his appreciative partner on his plan, or receive benefits for that matter, because you spend every nickel on hair, nails, or flowers for the front yard (I’m a heterosexual female, engaged to a man, so this is “one sided” as I’m empathizing if my man left me for another man, and adding in my own thoughts in between). Lastly, if you truly believe this is a conspiracy theory, and it’ll only get worse; you should be tested for paranoid schizophrenia, or stop the closet drug abuse. There’s only One that should be judging the actions of others, and it’s not you. We are all human, all people, with feelings of emotion. If someone has found happiness and fulfillment with a person, not based off gender, they have found more than a lot of people have. This is the most asinine article I’ve read, I can’t believe I even commented on it. Peace and Health to EVERYONE no matter your sexual orientation.

    • Reply
      Neco says

      Are you fu***ng serious?

    • Reply
      Connie says

      I love your comment. At least some of us humans still have a heart and compassion in this world. Until one has watched personally what a young gay person goes through from birth to their death and loved him or her they will never get the messege. Thank you. Mother of a precious human being my son who love everyone and made excuse for people not quite getting the picture until the day he passed.

    • Reply
      Laura says

      I lost it at “your husband already liked the weiner.” Brilliant. XD

    • Reply
      XDDDD #Imdying says

      Thank you.

    • Reply
      Mindy says

      Jackie, honey, it’s a JOKE. Satire. The whole site is satire. Deep breaths . . . . Although you make some good points about anyone who would believe this is true.

  5. Reply
    Corvallis says

    This is f**k

  6. Reply
    OMGWTF says

    Ha ha ha ha ha. I love the sense of humor. I’m about to pee my pants laughing.

  7. Reply
    Michael Bankson says

    The chem-trails aren’t working fast enough.

  8. Reply
    Ed says

    This is as ridiculous as saying homosexuality is by choice. Touche!

    • Reply
      Miguelo says

      First off. Anyone who believed this article is a moron.

      Second. How is it not by choice? Just because a man is born attracted to men, doesnt mean he is bound by that inherent compulsion to act on it.

      I inherently want to beat morons like you into the ground and curb stomp your face repeatedly until you stop spewing such rediculous bull.

      That doesnt mean i would, because as an human i know its wrong.

      On that note, im not against homesexuality, and am for equal rights. That doesnt mean im for stupidity, which is all the statement “like they have a choice” is.

      Everyone has a choice.

      Im straight, but i could gag down a dong if i wanted to, i dont, but its still a choice.

      • Reply
        Anonymous says

        That last sentence… Wow… Do you heterosexuals really think it’s ALL about the sex for us? Well, it’s not. We’re just attracted to the same sex and we’re trying to find love just like any “Normal” person.

  9. Reply
    cedarman says


  10. Reply
    Scare Straight says

    Don’t worry friends, this is easily counteracted with 5 hours of Charles Stanley, watching Creflo Dollar until you donate, and 1 episode of WWE while eating Slim Jim’s and drinking a Red Bull.

    • Reply
      jeajealove says

      Best Comment Award ?

  11. Reply
    GeorgeD says

    First the soy products were introduced and now this!

  12. Reply
    George Delgado says

    Forst soy products, then Roseanne; now this! Aspartame was created as an ant poisen and Donald Rumsfeld was the head of Searl; so it all adds up!

  13. Reply
    Adarondax says

    Does anyone know if Cutter’s repels homosexual fire ants?

    • Reply
      Theresa says

      Only if you buy 7 bottles of it, color each bottle with a rainbow and spray it on your self in spectral order. First red then orange then yellow then green then blue then indigo then violet. You can use Roy G. Bob as a name to help you remember.

  14. Reply
    James C says

    I guess if you can “make” a gay, then the obverse must be true…You can “unmake” a gay.
    This fire ant thing isn’t even the most evil plan, the liberals have come up with. I hear they are working on a “Plan” to turn democrat voters into Republican voters. The “Plan” is to nominate a tired looking old liar, and she will do just that! Turn dem voters into Republican voters. Liberals are like blind whores…you really have to hand it to them!

  15. Reply
    Kat says

    This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve read today… I want my 2 minutes back.

  16. Reply
    Diane Almgren says

    Do people really take this seriously? Wow!!!!

  17. Reply
    Al says

    Cass, just a heads up: Avoid Chipotle’s sofritas. They WILL turn you and your children GAY! OMG!

    • Reply
      Other Al says

      OMG. I’m already gay and had the Sofritas last week. Will this make me gayer or will I just loop around to being straight! Halp!

  18. Reply
    Debbie says

    I love the stupidity of some highly intellectual individuals. But it is a very imaginative story! LOL!!!

  19. Reply
    DmonCeede says

    I have ants in my pants and it’s making me dance…and blow other guys!

  20. Reply
    Ed Freeman says

    So where is the story about burritos at Chipotle secretly infused with pro-immigration pheromones? Or the one about bottles and cans at Wal-Mart coated with a special trans-dermal chemical that makes unsuspecting buyers passionately adverse to raising the minimum wage? WAKE UP, LiberalDarkness! Our minds are being poisoned!

  21. Reply
    Wayne Rollins says

    Actually, it begins with leaving rainbow-colored jellybeans in bowls where anyone can grab a handful. Ronald Reagan started it in the oval office. He thought being gay would make his staff seem happier. But, then, he was old school.

  22. Reply
    Stefanie says

    This is ridiculous! You can’t force people to be gay, just like you can’t force people to be straight! America is supposed to be home of the free, not home of the free to do whatever option we force upon you. And especially Christians! Everyone thinks we’re such horrible people, we’re not! We have our own beliefs that we hold close to our hearts just like everyone else! They’ve already taken prayer and any form of God away from our school systems, and now they’re invading our homes with supposed ant that are turning Christians gay? If this is even a real thing and it can be done, I honestly don’t want to see what comes next…

  23. Reply
    Peter B Palmer says

    Can’t they create a chem trail of people with honesty and integrity and get these ants to bite all ANC poloticians in South Africa?

  24. Reply
    Peter B Palmer says

    Can’t they create a chem trail of people with honesty and integrity and get these ants to bite all ANC politicians in South Africa?

  25. Reply
    Derringer says

    Don’t worry…. The antidote is readily available….just east red pez out of an incredible hulk pez dispenser.

  26. Reply
    sue says

    ok, so who leaked the latest super secret attack plans? come on guys, when you’re issued a copy of THE AGENDA you are supposed to keep it super secret. now we’ll just have to rely on people’s addiction to sugar , since it would be too obvious to have the military force feed the reluctant.

    • Reply
      Lydia says

      So….. is that thing in the dark room where we indoctrinated Obama still supposed to happen then, or has that been cancelled? Cause if it’s been cancelled then I need to go get the special spray that we put on our hands to give young, christian men the urge to masturbate to images of satan.

  27. Reply
    Kate says

    This article is complete bull. I remember seeing the same picture of those ants a couple years ago as an experiment to show that ants abdomines are semi-transparent by having them drink colored sugar drops. So… Yeah. Stop the ignorance.

    • Reply
      Suppercut says

      Somebody posted a link to this article on Facebook and somehow that article for the colored ants showed up not even 128px under it, haha.

  28. Reply
    David Senter says

    This article is not satire. It is merely lies – there is a difference.

    • Reply
      Lydia says

      You do realize that this article is supposed to be a great exaggeration of conservative news outlets in order to mock and ridicule them, right? And that’s ALMOST the exact definition of satire.

  29. Reply
    lee summers says

    Not true…how disappointing… Such pretty colors… And I had already ordered half a million…just trying to convert the masses…now we just have to rub our sweaty, glistening bodies up against all of you people of the straight persuasion.. Oh…wait..does it work if I’m only a woman?

    • Reply
      Lisa Summers says


  30. Reply
    Joanna Riosq says

    Pure dribble. Sounds like Fox News as usual….

  31. Reply
    Ken M2 says

    I thought only the queens could fly. Did ants mutate so all of them can fly? Is there a endocrinologist who can explain this?

  32. Reply
    Sheikh Yerbooty says

    LOL at the losers who can’t take hint! Obvious satire is obvious.

  33. Reply
    Chelsea says

    Avoid skittles too! Anything with rainbows! It’s woven from the yarn of the devil!! ??

  34. Reply
    Mejustme says

    My previous comment was referring to Dale’s comment, on Aug. 3

  35. Reply
    James says

    After having read all these comments it does not surprise me that some of you are voting for Trump. Some of you are speaking obout homosexuals as if you are an expert, or speaking from experience. 1stly, if you are not homosexual, but believe it is a mental defect, or fixable then you are as ignorant as the christian defense league of Tx, the KKK, Westboro Baptist Church congregation, Fox news and Pat Robertson all rolled into one. Help!!! I was bit by a fire ant and now I can feel myself getting gayer. LMGAO!! Sadly the Trump supporters will believe this article, but then they would believe anything that’s anti-gay, anti-black, anti-muslim, anti-immigrant, or anti-“”Christian””.

  36. Reply
    Im-here says

    These people who supposedly can know what a gay man wants, how would you know unless you were gay yourselves?

  37. Reply
    LR says

    That was hilarious!
    If you want to read the REAL article, find this: http://www.smithsonianmag.com%2Fscience-nature%2Fthese-rainbow-colored-transparent-ants-are-what-they-eat

  38. Reply
    travis says

    fire ants are dangerous

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