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Vaping Responsible for Meteoric Rise of Homosexuality

The CDC confirms that vaping is responsible for the dramatic increase in the global per-capita rate of homosexuality.  The CDC’s new studies of the risks confirm the observational commentary conservative scientists and parishioners have said all along.

Freudian behaviorists established a direct correlation between male homosexuality and a learned obsessive need to consistently place an object inside one’s mouth and then complete a ‘drag’ upon it, forcefully using facial muscles to create a region of negative pressure that allows the contents of a phalleo-object to spill its contents into the mouth and down into the lungs and belly.

And while this may make it seem that vaping and smoking are both equal causal indicators for homosexuality, it takes only a cursory glance at populate culture to realize such is not true.

It is impossible to imagine Clint Eastwood, Johnny Cash or James Dean donning their blue jeans and exuding a rugged masculinity that defined buckish Americana that allowed American men to bravely stare down communism, raise their families and exalt America as the most dominant country in the last century.

But that machismo is falling by the wayside.  Liberals are estroying America by destroying the backbone of men.  They are trying to entice young men to try homosexuality, to allow their bodies to be submissive to the whims of other men.  Vaping ties into this calculated cultural shift.

It used to be that American men would boldly fly to Germany to take down maniacal armies, surviving on nothing but ‘cough nails and hardtack’.  Returning home to tell their wives their cold hard war stories between bites of thick steak and course black coffee, these men of the greatest generation — our grandfathers — were offended by homosexuality and would slap their own sons and call them a dirty pinko commie if they caught them standing around with their insecure buddies, aggressively vaping and complaining about how their stomachs hurt until they took up a gluten-free diet.

The men of this generation are being lead by a dangerous path because they are betraying the things that made America great:  course whiskey, nails, thick steaks and bacon and rugged jeans.  New men are being lead down an intentional path of passive femininity that will only serve to destroy America and lead it down a path of liberal darkness.

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