Late Friday night, Californians awoke to a massive sonic boom of homosexuality echoing through the December skies. Eyewitnesses report that a bright flickering light ‘tearing through a cosmic cloud of sparkling dust’ overhead was followed moments later by a ‘rainfall of sparkling dust’, which scientists have now confirmed is a hybrid of comet dust and the splicing homosexual chemtrail EcoR1.
Officials with the Christian Defense League of Texas confirm the reports, citing numerous calls from members of the California chapter detailing the effects of what has been confirmed as a high-tech homosexual chemtrail. Gays have allegedly pooled their resources and advanced knowledge of physics to create a space-age vehicle capable of speeds upward 30,000 miles per hour that can deliver a payload of homosexuality at 8,000 hetero-homes/second.
[adinserter block=”3″]The effects on the populace were immediate. Locals report that men were seen tearing from their homes, wildly bucking their heads and baying toward the moon, running around and taking generous gropes of the next nearest males they could get their heads on.
Medical facilities in the region report a sudden influx of calls and walk-in patients exhibiting hallmark signs of hysteria and intense homosexuality, including inexplicably bulging muscles, heightened senses and skin flushed by high levels of endorphines. One man who fully recovered stated, ‘everything sparkled and gyrated, I could feel every breeze on my skin, yet all I wanted to do was find another man.’
The CDL is warning those who live in California or any other place where space vehicle launch to invest in a high-tech air filtration system and to use no less than hospital-grade surgery masks to filter out any cosmic homosexual chemtrail floating down from the upper atmosphere to terrestrial planes.
Officials also confirm chatter on social media that more flights are planned, starting perhaps as early as New Years day 2018.