Top Ten Ways To Stay Safe This Gay Christmas

Gay Christmas, known as Halloween in the non-homosexual community, is officially celebrated on October 31st.  Over the last three decades gays have used the holiday to not only throw lavish costume parties, but also as a recruitment day where they get to see their straight co-workers and acquaintances in fantasy costumes.

Gays have fine-tuned marketing strategies to get straight men to buy and wear gay-fantasy costumes and then deliver payloads of homosexual-inducing candies to ‘unsuspecting straights’ at their parties, giving way to a night of ghoulish debauchery.  This list will help keep you safe from their advances:

  1.  Use the buddy-system
  2.  Dress up as a woman
  3.  Eat greasy foods and onions before hitting the town, gay cannot stand bad odors from poor diets.
  4.  Do not show off abdominal muscles or thigh flesh costumes.  Avoid any ‘Officer Cuffems’ or ‘Coconut Cabana’ fantasy costumes, as these will send gay men over the sweaty edge like a hungry lion seeing a buttered up zebra in the Savannah.
  5. Wear a steel chastity belt and lock away the key to it in a safe in your home.  Make sure only your wife or girfriend knows the lock combination to the safe.
  6. Do not eat or drink any homosexually colored candies or foods.
  7. If a party features any Barbara Streisand or Cher songs, immediately run away and go home.
  8. Beware men who look like David Hasselhoff, John Stamos and especially George Clooney in a cocktail sipping evening suit.  Normal men do not look like that in day-to-day life especially at a Halloween party.
  9.  Lookout for lesbian secret ops.  For every one man off the heterosexual docket, one more woman is available for seduction.   
  10.   If you feel groggy or drunk, do not go to the bathroom.   The line between in and out can be easily confused after a few drinks, especially if homosexual chemtrails are involved.


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  1. Reply
    Hank says

    This pagan holiday has always been of the devil. Wearing naughty costumes to celebrate all of the depraved cultural figures of humanity is just so typical of something gays would try to get everyone to do smdh

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