Gay Christmas, known as Halloween in the non-homosexual community, is officially celebrated on October 31st. Over the last three decades gays have used the holiday to not only throw lavish costume parties, but also as a recruitment day where they get to see their straight co-workers and acquaintances in fantasy costumes.
Gays have fine-tuned marketing strategies to get straight men to buy and wear gay-fantasy costumes and then deliver payloads of homosexual-inducing candies to ‘unsuspecting straights’ at their parties, giving way to a night of ghoulish debauchery. This list will help keep you safe from their advances:
- Use the buddy-system
- Dress up as a woman
- Eat greasy foods and onions before hitting the town, gay cannot stand bad odors from poor diets.
- Do not show off abdominal muscles or thigh flesh costumes. Avoid any ‘Officer Cuffems’ or ‘Coconut Cabana’ fantasy costumes, as these will send gay men over the sweaty edge like a hungry lion seeing a buttered up zebra in the Savannah.
- Wear a steel chastity belt and lock away the key to it in a safe in your home. Make sure only your wife or girfriend knows the lock combination to the safe.
- Do not eat or drink any homosexually colored candies or foods.
- If a party features any Barbara Streisand or Cher songs, immediately run away and go home.
- Beware men who look like David Hasselhoff, John Stamos and especially George Clooney in a cocktail sipping evening suit. Normal men do not look like that in day-to-day life especially at a Halloween party.
- Lookout for lesbian secret ops. For every one man off the heterosexual docket, one more woman is available for seduction.
- If you feel groggy or drunk, do not go to the bathroom. The line between in and out can be easily confused after a few drinks, especially if homosexual chemtrails are involved.