Ancient Sumerian texts predicted the day would come that the greatest nation on Earth would enter an era of great evil, one known as that of Liberal Darkness. It was said that a dark ruler would oversee the greatest acts of evil in human history: universal healthcare, women’s rights, gender equality and gay marriage.
But in the last hour, when all hope would seem lost and the Great Dragon Mother would be given the throne she assumed to be her own, a man known as the Dovakhiin would loudly arise to destroy the Dragon Kingdom of Liberal Darkness, and instead make America great again.
Known only to a few scholars, the name Donald is the Gaelic word for the Gaelic Domhnall, which in ancient Sumerian translates to “Dovahkiin”, quite literally, the slayer of liberal darkness (Satan).
On November 8th, the Dovahkiin made his face known to the kingdom he was prophesied to save:
Trump stands proudly as he uses ancient armor and steel forged by the Knights Templar, wielded against all the evil creatures Obama has set loose during his reign.
In 2013, The Atlantic discovered that Obama and his administration were veiled lizard people, somehow able to use a sort of magics or dark art to conceal their true dragon lizard skin and make themselves appear as normal.
Ever since Obama took office they have worked hard to make the world more hospitable to their cold-blooded needs and have played demagogue to the public so they could keep office and continually do more horrible things to make the world good for them.
But Trump arose, allegedly taking sword and chief like Saint George of old to take out the machinations of evil that are plaguing this one great nation.