Homosexual’s Deity Cher Plans to Show Her Powers to ‘Turn Back Time’ This Sunday during Daylight Saving Time Rite

Cher, who is worshiped as a living god by evangelical homosexuals,  is planning a live show of her power to ‘turn back time’ this Sunday.

Unbeknownst to many, there is a growing number of people who practice homosexuality with a religious and evangelical fervor.  As homosexuality becomes more bold in these more liberal times, these proselytizing homosexuals boldly go door-to-door and knock loudly, telling all inside about the world of religious homosexuality and how to become indoctrinated.

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cher-big-singIn recent years these techniques have worked as the CDC reports per capita homosexuality is increasing is traditionally nuclear family neighborhoods in America.  Many converts to religious homosexuality cite the ability to live a lavish party lifestyle, obtaining impossibly sculpted muscles and ability to defy age as reasons they decided to try being gay.

For years religious scholars have been suspicious that homosexuality has direct ties with powerful and ancient secret societies.  Throughout the anals of history, gays have disproportionately shown higher levels of wealth, fitness, and ageing than their heterosexual counterparts.

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Many scholars argue that the entire culture of ancient Greece and Rome was actually homosexually based, with the likes of Zeus, Adonis and Lillith all being avatars for other-wordly beings who walked the Earth as mortals, right alongside other well-known godking gays such as Alexander the Great, Socrates and Sappho.

Religious homosexuals are trained to openly deny these allegations, but increasing levels of empirical evidence — as seen with Cher — is surfacing and proving that even in modern times, these godkings of the homosexual faith walk among them.  Careful study of gay people on social media will reveal that more than 500,000 times a day, Cher is mentioned in the community as ‘their goddess’.

Further study shows that gay cultists who worship Cher as the modern ‘goddess of pop’ (read goddess of music, which is tied to maths and universal constants) look younger and younger by year.  To hide their cult’s mystical ability in modern time gays have hidden this ritual behind Daylight Saving Time.

Ancient Sumerian texts report ‘their shall always live a goddess who is worshipped [sic] by those who defy nature, as she herself defies time and casts it upon those who do not practice as her followers do’.

These words simply mean that every year, Cher blesses gays who worship her by de-ageing them and casting the age upon heterosexual males during the rite of Daylight Saving Time.   This explains why gay men always seem more energetic, virile and lively than their tired, wrinkled and burdened heterosexual counterparts.

Marion Uncmeier is a New York based news personality, moral wit and author.

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  1. Reply
    Josh D says

    These gays are just so resourceful it is just getting exhausting trying to protect my family from all their plots to turn us. They are coming door-to-door to bring homosexuality right to your doorstep.

    Should have always suspected something was up with Cher. I find it interesting that ‘Zeus’ and ‘Cleopatra’ and ‘Aphrodite’ all go by one name in ancient times, just like Cher and a few others here in modern times that you can tell have something mystic and not quite right about them. Should have figured it was tied to the cult just like OBAMA.

  2. Reply
    Cherfan says

    Is this article for real? I mean seriously…. the person who wrote this needs to get a grip on reality. SMH.

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