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Gays Leave Purple ‘Cupping Hickey’ Spots on Olympian Michael Phelps after Furious Spa Attack

Gays attending the Olympics in Rio de Janiero mistook Olympian Michael Phelps for one of their own, unleashing a furious assault of cupping hickeys upon his bodies as he tried to relax in a hot tub after a grueling day of swimming sports.

Eyewitnesses report with his impossibly sculpted abs glimmering beneath the ethereal moonlight of Rio de Janiero, the towering Michael Phelps with welldot-articleLargehis broad shoulders and strong chin was easily mistaken for the next gay lounging in bathhouses on the cabana. Cultural experts confirm that Phelps was not taught that since gay marriage was legalized in Brazil, it is now legal for gays to come up and perform ‘cupping’ on anyone they think may be a fellow gay.

In the homosexual community, cupping is performed when a gay male uses his powerful buccinators to attach to someone’s skin, much like a corydora fish on the side of a fish tank or lamprey to a shark, to make the muscles of his partner’s body relaxed and pliable.

We can see the gays really worked on Phelps’ broad shoulders and ample back.  By the time Phelps was able to right himself and avoid the cluster of men clamoring over him, he was able to clear up confusion and explain that he was not gay, but just a fit Olympian with a family.

The gay men on site allegedly offered apologies and Phelps was a ‘good sport’ about the incident.

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