New studies from the CDC reveals that in areas with higher rates of per capita homosexuality, dangerous Chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) emissions are present and this gases are destroying the ozone layer, letting through more harmful UV and overheating the Earth.

[adinserter block=”3″]The recent increase in gay marriage and the finding by the CDC correlate with new disturbing data from the National Weather Service. In Missouri, unseasonably warm areas in the festive, gay-friendly resort areas of Branson have resulted in horrific flooding. At the North Pole, temperatures suddenly spiraled to 50 degrees above normal.

Scientists suspect that married gays, who are usually fastidious and demanding of their appearance as they engage in their typically high-end careers that include business and law, may be holding onto black market stockpiles of 1980s era hair sprays to evoke a commanding, debonair appearance.

Researchers warn that married gays may be using other unknown, volatile chemicals in random activities within their homes, but more data will need to be collected before those chemicals and their effects can be reported.