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Bloodwork Reveals President Obama has Midichlorian Count of 20,000

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Sources within the Obama Administration report that recent bloodwork shows President Obama has a midi-chlorian count of over 20,000.

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Sources within the Obama Administration confirm bloodwork reveals the president has a midi-chlorian count of over 20,000. Midichloria is a genus of Gram-negative, non-sporeforming bacteria, with bacillus shape of ~0.45 µm in diameter and ~1.2 µm in length — and is found within ticks that live within Eastern Kenya. When transferred to a human during a bite, the ticks allow the host to manifest abilities that locals say border on the supernatural.

While the field of Midi-chlorian genetics is a hotbed topic in the scientific community, historians and religious scholars are deeply troubled by the report that comes from within the Obama Administration.

The general public may be familiar with the concept of midi-chlorians, as popularized by George Lucas’ classic Star Wars film series.  The film revealed that individuals who were infested with midi-chlorians could display abilities ‘beyond that of normal men’.  The accounts in the film match historical accounts of others who are suspected to have had midi-choria symbionts.

Soon after the discovery of DNA’s structure by Watson and Cricke, researchers found the first evidence of Midichloria bacteria, a symbiotic parasite organism that is found within ticks in Kenya and is transferred into a mammal’s bloodstream — where it thrives — during a tick bite.

Locals from Eastern Kenya give historical accounts of men and even animals, who after being bit by the hard tick Ixodes ricinus, develop abilities that border upon the supernatural.   Locals suspect that the Obama family — who are affiliated with powerful goat-herders in Kenya — are aware of this fact and maintain a line of these ticks to feast upon their goats to grow strong and then bite the male children born to their family.

Examples of Obama displaying his midichloria-infused abilities:

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In 2011, a photographer captured the moment Obama used a flash of lightening to threaten a conservative reporter at the National Academy of Sciences.  The reporter asked Obama to confess that he and scientists were using the Large Hadron Collider to capture the souls of Christians and to wage war on faith.

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In this undated photograph, members of the Obama family smile as their patriarch uses his power to thrust a beam of hand-wielded energy through an innocent man.

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While giving a speech to liberal students, Obama shows off his power and convinces them that he can show them how to ‘take mastery and control of the world around you.’  Obama later told aides that such mind-wowing displays of his power to the masses will help him recruit the soldiers needed to create a new age of ‘liberal darkness’.

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