[adinserter block=”1″]With men showing off their bodies with ‘Hunky Cop’ and ‘Egyptian Ab Pharaoh’ outfits, gays cannot help but salivate and have the times of their lives as they watch from afar, waiting to unload their tainted candies upon unsuspecting dads and frat bros just trying to enjoy a good night out.
With drunken bodies showing off glimpses of hard-earned abs flashing beneath ‘Naughty Pharaoh’ or ‘Hunky Cop’ costumes, straight men do not realize that every Halloween gays are eagerly awaiting to see them in these fantasy outfits and to ply them with candies that increase sensuality and blur the lines between homosexual lust and moral behavior.
While parents are often most focused on inspecting the candy that their kids may eat after trick-or-treating, the CDC reports the greatest threat actually involves candies put out at private or corporate Halloween parties, where inside sources report gays commonly prey on ‘lone straights’ who catch their eyes and casually offer them candy laced with elicit, homosexual-inducing drugs such as minced-up marijuana or liquid ecstasy/LSD.
Being no strangers to intense raver and party scenes, most gays have great mastery of chemistry and mixing drinks and candies so that the taste of an underlying drug is concealed.
These skills are routinely employed on Halloween to make lurid concoctions that will leave 1 out of 5 men waking up groggy and without memories — and sometimes without their costumes — the Sunday after Halloween.
[adinserter block=”5″]
The CDC confirms that single, straight men are the most at-risk demographic to be the victim of tainted Halloween candies or party drinks this Halloween and should use the buddy system to make sure they return home safely.
The Christian Defense League of Texas encourages party-goers to avoid any brightly, homosexually colored candies handed out at parties and to also be suspicious of ‘retro-candies’ that may invoke nostalgia, but are surely laced and primed to cause a man to become pliable in a homosexual encounter.
Marion Uncmeier is a New York based news personality, moral wit and author.
Comments(142)
Mike Malarkee says
October 31, 2015 at 5:35 pmdon’t think I’ve ever read something so seriously written that was so completely hilarious! So thank you Christian Defense League of Texas for protecting all of us straight guys from the evil gays. Lol. Now I have to go out and get Gay Christmas presents!
J says
October 31, 2015 at 6:57 pmHey bro I think the gay fire ants is more funny lol
Zack that metal guy says
November 1, 2015 at 9:48 pmLol that was funny dude
the lion says
November 1, 2015 at 10:24 pmespecially like Bees all the workers are female!
Melody says
November 2, 2015 at 10:53 pm“homosexually colored candies” left me cracking up. I guess new colors are invented every day, eh?
Zack says
October 26, 2016 at 5:38 pmI identify as fruity orange
Wela Miller Brown says
October 31, 2015 at 5:42 pmFoolishness
Jan says
October 31, 2015 at 6:52 pmMy son is in a fraternity and that is bad enough, but now I am really suspicious because he is dressed as that Kardashian man who switched his name to Caitlin Jenner for Halloween. His costume is a dress and it is showing his legs I am so worried for him after reading this. Why did America ever allow Obama to legalize being gay?
Isolde says
October 31, 2015 at 7:28 pmPlease tell me you’re kidding! I’m laughing so hard right now.
Travis says
October 31, 2015 at 7:32 pmI’m hoping you are being sarcastic…if not, you are a fucking moron.
Alex says
October 30, 2017 at 3:01 amReally, Travis? You have to ask?
Hun says
October 31, 2015 at 7:43 pmObama legalized gay marriage, not being gay, you vapid twat.
Shawn says
October 31, 2015 at 9:19 pmObama did nothing of the sort. The supreme court did.
Thatguy says
October 31, 2015 at 10:25 pmYou don’t get sarcasm, do you?
Abby Normal says
November 1, 2015 at 3:59 pmNo, Obama didn’t legalize gay marriage, the SCOTUS did, you trite imbecile.
David says
November 2, 2015 at 12:23 pmObama did not legalize gay marriage, SCOTUS did!
larry says
November 2, 2015 at 4:26 pmThe Supreme Court voided Sodom laws (Gay and straight) and legalized marriage. Not Obama
Alex says
October 30, 2017 at 3:07 amUm, if you read the entire comment Jan makes and think a little about it – maybe a half a second – you might get an inkling that Jan is being just a touch sarcastic. Just as I am. Jan is not the vapid twat here, Hun.
E says
October 31, 2015 at 7:51 pmObviously your son has already been tainted by homosexuals. Don’t waste your prayers on him any longer (you should save those for things like a new car and money). The only things that you can be sure of now about your son are that he’s a homo now and is definitely going to burn in the fires of Hell.
michael says
October 31, 2015 at 9:31 pmE! You don’t pray for cars and money! You disgusting hippie! You pray for your football team to win so you can win the (illegal) football pool at work. This way you can afford to buy roofies so you can take home that snotty receptionist at work who won’t give you the time of day and have your beasty way with her! Then you will shame her, cause she asked for it.
Lex says
November 2, 2015 at 10:43 amAre you honestly that stupid?!
Brooke says
October 31, 2015 at 8:04 pmYOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID
Teagra says
October 31, 2015 at 8:12 pmAre you FUCKING serious JAN? PLEASE tell me that was Sarcasm. Your referring to Bruce Jenner, an Olympian. Married to the crazy, who is also the mother of his 2 girls and the Kardashians. He is transgender. Now goes by Caitlyn.
Seriously hope you’re being a legit smart ass
Spencer says
October 26, 2017 at 9:35 pmI mean, you tried. SHE is Caitlyn. She is not Bruce. She is not a he. Valiant effort, though. Lol
Dan says
October 31, 2015 at 8:27 pmObama legalize being gay? Are you that stupid? It was the supreme court of the United States of America that recognized gay people being married. Being gay was always legal. I hate to tell you but I think your son is one of them. Pray for him, that does a lot of good. Just like praying to santa claus
Kim says
October 31, 2015 at 8:37 pmEither you have a really good sense of humor, or none at all. I want to believe what you wrote is sattire, but sadly, you are probably just gullible and ignorant.
Lovleyram says
October 31, 2015 at 8:43 pmJan, if ur so is gay believe me it not from no laced Halloween candice but good try.
Alda says
October 31, 2015 at 11:24 pmThat is the most asinine thing I have ever read LOL
Praying4You says
November 1, 2015 at 9:01 amHello Jan I am so sorry to hear your story, unfortunately I think sending your son to college was the first step in him developing homosexuality. I sent my two daughters to an arts college and now they are BOTH lesbians. I agree with the other people commenting, please do not waste your prayers on him.
-Godbless, Reverend Tom Pratcher
Rev. Tom Pratcher says
November 1, 2015 at 9:04 amHello Jan, I am so sorry to hear your story. Unfortunately, sending your son to college was the first step in him developing homosexuality. I sent my daugthers to an arts college and now they are BOTH lesbians. I agree with the other commenters that you should not waste your prayers on him. Godbless, Rev. Tom Pratcher
Al says
November 4, 2015 at 3:15 pmHop off it you dumb religious fucks. Yeah the arts school is what made them gay… Riiiiiiiiiight… Makes complete sense. Educate yourself before you spout dumb religious comments on a satirical post. You can go to the CDC’s website and see they never said this. Instead of trying to pray the gay away why don’t we switch it up, huh? How about you pray your ignorance away from your hand me down imaginary friend? Try that and come back to me.
Sincerely,
The heterosexual male in college, at a liberal arts university, majoring in acting, hoping for a minor in musical theatre, and just got out of his ballet class.
P.s. Your ignorance probably caused them to stay in the closet until they knew they could express themselves and come out. It’s not college, it’s the household they were raised in. A restrictive environment where they couldn’t truly be themselves. Only where they could be a version of themselves they felt was pleasing to you and your “God”. It’s common. To be fair more people come out in arts schools compared to state schools because we are more willing to accept them for who they are.
P.p.s. No excuse me while I try to regain the brain cells you murdered with your comment.
Dean says
November 8, 2015 at 1:05 amWell said Al!
lia says
October 26, 2016 at 3:52 pmthere are plenty of people who go to college who still remain straight basically because gay is a genetic trait and has already been debunked by medical professionals, so get educated,
Reina Egges-Bradley says
November 1, 2015 at 10:03 amBecause your doing the same thing to gays as you did to interracial marriage, You need educated on some things first the jenner’s and kardashians are not the same family and the one you call a he is transgendered and please respect their wishes to be called a female
Izzy says
November 1, 2015 at 1:47 pmI’m not sure which is funnier .. the costume (she chose the name Caitlyn btw) the Obama question. Serious or not, you made my day!
Doreen Powers says
November 1, 2015 at 9:36 pmTo Jan, Obama didn’t ‘legalize’ being gay, people are just gay. It’s not a choice no more than people who are straight. My advice is to get educated.
Nate says
November 1, 2015 at 9:43 pmAre you fucking retarded? First of all, no drug can turn someone gay. Second, Obama did NOT legalize being gay. Gay marriage was legalized. Being gay can never be illegal, its impossible. You can’t arrest someone for who they are… Open your mind before your mouth.
Matthew says
October 30, 2017 at 7:46 amUnfortunately, in many countries you can be arrested and even punished for being gay. Just not in US, for now. In this day and age, it’s hard to tell when someone is being serious or satirical. Many are too ignorant to be able to tell the difference. Happy Halloween.
Richard says
November 1, 2015 at 11:46 pmGurrrrl, go sit your stupid arse down somewhere and kill yourself, immediately!!
jon says
November 2, 2015 at 2:43 amJan sweetie it s been legal for a long time Obama didn’t start it.i suggest if you are really worried you try to get your hand s on a copy of an old movie called reefer madness it should be able to help you . You can also try to rub some cheese on him because gays hate the smell of cheese. Maybe you could rub him down with cheese once a day while watching refer madness together.
Norris Waddell says
November 2, 2015 at 3:27 amyou’re such a moron! this isn’t real. you let the people that wrote this bate you into believing anything. look lady before you believe anything go do your homework. you are whats wrong with america. no seriously. you’ll believe anything but you won’t go take the time to find out if there is any fact to whats being written.
Riccardo says
November 2, 2015 at 4:47 amI hope your not one bit sreious,because if you are you’ll never ever have yours sons respect. Ever again. What a thing to say. Let the kid enjoy his freedom and experience life as he wishes. He will find his way and make you proud. Just love him along HIS way. You’ll see.
Ben says
November 2, 2015 at 5:53 amJan I hope you are kidding. You need more education on being gay. Just because he is wearing a damn dress does not mean he is gay. And I am deeply offended by your fraternity remark. Again, not gay because he joined a fraternity. Please get your facts right.
Linda says
November 2, 2015 at 7:55 amUmmmmn, I hate to break it to you and will try to do so gently. Being a homosexual was not illegal. They were however given the right to marry by the Supreme Court the highest law of the land . You inbred religious bigoted moron… Laughing, signed, not a homosexual, just a rational thinking human being.
voice of reason says
November 2, 2015 at 1:54 pmYou do realize that this is a comedy piece commenting on the outrageously idiotic accusations of homophobic people. Don’t you?
Berta says
November 2, 2015 at 7:44 pmWhat scares me most is that there are people like yourself that ACTUALLY believe this article! Smh…. that is far more scary to me!
E says
November 2, 2015 at 7:48 pmYou are stupid!
Melody says
November 2, 2015 at 10:55 pmThat’s rich.
Sha dynasty says
October 25, 2016 at 9:06 pmLOL it was never illegal to be gay (in recent history anyway) he legalized gay marriage after having each state vote on the issue
Wyatt says
October 26, 2016 at 10:30 pmJan, I think your comment was a joking response to satire. Even if your comment is serious, so many of these people are getting way to defensive and mean! “Cunt” just because you have a opinion, joking or otherwise, is just mean. If it needs to be said: Not all gays are this stupid.
Kim says
October 27, 2016 at 2:23 amJan? Are you being serious? Or are you being sarcastic?
Monique mcdonald says
October 27, 2016 at 11:29 amI understand your concern. I think you need to understand the different between gender and being gay though. Being gay is something that will happen if it’s legal or not! Just be happy for your son. He’s living his most authentic life ! Life is meant to be fun and awesome! Maybe he is just bisexual! Maybe he’s just funny and super confident in his masculinity because you were and awesome dad. Maybe you did a great job! Can you imagine in the 70’s some man talking to his friends “I can’t believe my son can legally marry a black woman” don’t be that guy! Now you can say “I can’t believe my son can marry a black/man/woman/trans person. Go enjoy your life! See the world! Relax stop worrying about him.
James says
October 26, 2017 at 1:19 amObama didn’t “legalize being gay.” you dear lady have a screw loose. The absolute ignorance of these statements is beyond words. Are you really that stupid. All this Fag can say is God bless you honey. Get educated. There may still be time.. But with ridiculous statements such as these, makes me pause in concern and wonder.
Dawn says
October 30, 2017 at 10:32 amIf a man says, I love God, and hate his brother. He is are a liar.
1 John 4:20
Read your Bibles people and fill yourself with the holy Spirit. HATE is Not a emotion that God condones. Jus sayin. I am a Gay minister and you people are awful to spread hate because of the unwillingness to get to know any of them. God continues to State throughout the Bible that love is the greatest of these feelings. But I see all too often my Fellow believers saying how much the Hate other brothers. Shame on you all that believe that is going to strengthen our nation. Have a blessed day. And if your son is already dressing that way. He must have eaten some of My candy. Lmbo. It’s musically activated at the raves. You’ve already lost him to Homotown! Better start praying. Lmbo. Have a blessed day.
Bob says
October 31, 2015 at 7:32 pmI’m praying for the children and others that they will not be forced into having these. I reccomend sending them trick and treating with a gun. May god please save these people from being turned into a chom who f**s animals.
Joe says
October 31, 2015 at 9:36 pmLet’s hope God saves people from you, you hateful small brained heathen.
lucas says
November 1, 2015 at 3:04 amBob…seriously…noone I knows f&#*s animals…I only hear about that from sad lonely depraved heterosexuals
Naomi says
November 1, 2015 at 4:41 amAwwww, you’re so stupid that its cute.
Dan says
November 1, 2015 at 7:29 pmAre you being serious or sarcastic. I cannot tell. If you’re being serious then I’ve lost faith in Christianity in America. My fiancé is Christian and yes we’re both gay. His family are Christians and have welcomed me with open arms.
Al says
November 4, 2015 at 3:19 pmIt’s people like you whom have bastardized Christianity.
Erik says
October 31, 2015 at 7:55 pmDangerous times. You should avoid having your son in your home from now on since homosexuality is infectious. If he needs money just send large amounts to keep him away. Don’t waste your prayers on him anymore (prayers are best for things like new cars and helping with disasters far away). It’s a shame that your son will be burning in Hell for all eternity.
imgay says
October 31, 2015 at 8:57 pmOh no a gay commented on your post. Now you will be gay. Along with our laced, Doritos, our ferocious army of fire ants and candyyyy.
m says
October 31, 2015 at 8:20 pmobviously the author had to eat the candy to write this story
Sarah says
October 31, 2015 at 8:28 pmThis article is complete bullshit, written by bible thumpers, who can’t get over the fact like “gays” are not evil. And for those of you who are forgetting, there are plenty of straight men and women who have done awful shit to children, who drug them, kill them, and do unspeakable things to innocent people. The person/people who wrote this article has no solid proof that all the gay men and women are doing this. A persons preference of men or women has nothing to do with the poisoning or drugging of candy. If you agree or disagree with my opinion, it’s none of my business, but blaming all the wrong things that happen to us does not give you the right to just blame it on a certain group of people, everybody is equal and there’s just as much of a chance of a person being drugged by their neighbor, as a complete stranger; so don’t judge and believe everything you see or hear. Don’t lower yourself to the same level as the people/person who wrote this. Everybody has as much of a right to be treated with respect as you. Take a moment to realize that will you?
Lovleyram says
October 31, 2015 at 8:48 pmDoes anyone condemning anything gayd or kesbians do ever have proof? Nope, just of bunch of nonsense conspiracies
Noonan says
October 31, 2015 at 8:50 pmThis article is complete satire, written by people who think they are funny for people like you.
Stef says
October 31, 2015 at 9:10 pmOR – and get this – it’s a satirical article.
J says
November 1, 2015 at 12:06 amIt’s satire you fucking goober
lucas says
November 1, 2015 at 3:10 amDid you not read the part on the bottom of the arrival that says the AUTHOR is a news “personality” and author of moral “wit”? From her perspective this sh*T is funny….hello
Liz says
November 1, 2015 at 6:28 pmI am realatively sure that this is a satire….
Kate says
November 1, 2015 at 6:40 pmSarah, you are absolutely right and the author of this article agrees with you. It is satire, a biting attack against those who think that gay people are a danger to straight people. It isn’t real!
Liz says
November 3, 2015 at 12:22 amMy dear Sarah, the article is satire.
TimeToFloodTheEarthAgain says
October 31, 2015 at 8:29 pmJan:
Back away from the computer. You are officially too stupid to use the internet. Thank you for contributing to the dumbing down of America.
Proof that sometimes Survival of the Fittest is not fool-proof. Ma’am… you are a scientific anomaly.
Mark says
November 1, 2015 at 11:08 amJan is likely a Poe. Unfortunately you can’t find the reply “button”.
Patsy D. says
October 31, 2015 at 8:52 pmJan, I just want to tell you ‘Thank You’ for speaking up about this whole gay takeover of this once Christian nation. To think that our kids are growing up in this world and out in college now with these emboldened gay people makes me very scared too.
I am thankful that my son went to college during the Bush years (Junior) and we did not have those morally loose culture to tempt him. He’s now doing well in business and is raising a traditional, nuclear family. I just cannot imagine the horror mothers like Jan must be going through raising a college son in this twisted world. My thoughts and prayers are with mothers with sons in college and gays doing this. It is just wrong on so many levels.
Aiden says
November 1, 2015 at 12:13 amYou can’t be serious…
Chris says
November 1, 2015 at 4:35 am“And gays doing this. It’s just wrong on so many levels.” Not sure if sarcastic or just stupid.
Naomi says
November 1, 2015 at 4:44 amThis country was founded on NO RELIGIONS you religious idiot. Why don’t you stop trying your Christian Takeover of this free nation? Go to iran if you want to be ruled by a religion
Chris says
November 1, 2015 at 7:36 amYou are a stupid cunt.
Aron says
November 1, 2015 at 3:11 pmCome one people! Are you serious? The idiots who wrote this article have accomplished what they have set out to do. To make uneducated people believe something so ludicrous that it’s even laughable. I mean it’s on the internet so it nut be true. Educate yourselves folks! This is not something you catch or get infected with! At least try and get to know someone who is gay. For most will tell you that they never wanted to be gay and never would wish this on anyone! Who chooses a life of torture and discrimination? No one!
Science has debunked all theories that Biblical theologians have tried to tell us. This is genetics. If you are wanting to know why your son is gay? Because it was genetically inherited from either the father or mother! Period!
Sophia says
November 1, 2015 at 5:39 pmWhat’s wrong on so many levels is this mindset. You, amongst many others live in a world of willful ignorance. Get a grip on reality!
voice of reason says
November 2, 2015 at 2:12 pmI sincerely hope you know that this is a comedy piece, and completely sarcastic.
larry says
November 2, 2015 at 4:31 pmWhat is wrong is this article and the fools that believe it
shelb says
November 2, 2015 at 11:10 pmYou have got to be the most ignorant person on the planet. Actually you and Jan. What? You think gays werent around during the bush era?
jaque says
October 31, 2015 at 8:56 pmYour all f*g stupid! That is all!
Me says
November 1, 2015 at 4:08 am*you’re…that is all…
Grammar says
November 1, 2015 at 6:52 amUm, your sentence is wrong.
It would be “you’re,” not “your.”
Please learn how to properly communicate with correct spelling and grammar.
That is all.
Bobo says
November 1, 2015 at 8:34 amI want to get high where’s the drugs forget the gays I want there free drugs I’ll use them for a drink or two and then split free drugs are always better then having to pay for drugs
carl says
November 2, 2015 at 6:49 amHey everyone, this is “satiric fun” it’s not evil, just a humorist having fun.
http://liberaldarkness.com/2015/08/03/gays-are-lacing-vaccines-with-homosexual-chemtrails-to-cure-heterosexuality/
Court says
October 31, 2015 at 9:05 pmYou’ve got to be joking!!!! Gays aren’t the problem! We aren’t trying to convert people. Actually the only people doing that are straight christians. They are the judgemental ones, always trying to convert us. Telling us were making the choice, disowning their children. “Love thy neighbor” “thou shall not judge”..isn’t that in the bible too. So is not eating shrimp, not wearing clothes from different thread…etc. we have to take your guys abuse way too much! It’s disgusting. How is what we do affecting YOUR life. ITS NOT. Bigots…
Chris says
October 31, 2015 at 9:24 pmI wonder how many idiots actually believed this xD I’d say only a few but with how many retarded so called “Christians” there are who believe homosexuality is evil, contagious, and that god HATES gays (even though the bible straight up says god doesn’t hate anyone just that it’s a sin, nor does it actually say that just being gay means you WILL go to hell and that only God can judge whether someone will go hell NOT YOU) lol it’s like them that give Christians a bad name =w=”
Brigit says
October 31, 2015 at 10:04 pmThis is some sort of joke website, right? ’cause I can’t believe ANYONE is this idiotic.
Obama says
October 31, 2015 at 10:46 pmJan and Patsys sons are definitely f***ing each other on the low.
Vicki says
October 31, 2015 at 10:53 pmIf y’all be love this then y’all believe that the government puts drugs in 1 out of every 500 children’s vaccinations to make your child homosexual. Now put that in your trick or treat bag and shake it.
Calypso says
October 31, 2015 at 11:12 pmLOL at the couple of ancient bible thumpers on this post. I cannot wait for the baby boomer generation to die off (sorry grandma!) so the younger generation can make the world a BETTER MORE TOLERANT place. Good riddance, Patsy and Jan!
On the off chance that both Patsy and Jan are being sarcastic and hilarious… Carry on.
Shard says
October 31, 2015 at 11:30 pm…i think you need medical help, Jan. And others- sometimes you guys really need to take a step back and realize how ignorant and literally it is STUPID how gullible you sheep are.
On a side note:
I believe those two are trolls.
God1speak says
November 1, 2015 at 1:15 amOk lets try to get this straight….. Some of you try to minimize what does happen in our society within the gay community and some of you in the Christian community exaggerate what goes on in the gay community. Yes laceing drinks and candies does happen all the time at bars ….raves and parties whether it be extacy or meth or whatever someone my use. The date rape drug is nothing new on the scene. People who do this to others are the lowest life forms on the planet. Yes ther are gays who hate Christianity christians and God there are gays who are very evil and some who are just gay and cause no problems at all. And there are Christians who claim to be good and behind closed doors.the do some pretty evil things and there are Christians who hate gays even though they say they dont and then there are Christians who are true Christians and truly keep Gods commandments and those are few. But the bottom line is evil is evil and no one should be tricked into doing something that they wouldnt normally do. So again yes Im sure there is some truth to the article that prompted all these replies but I am also sure that there is some exaggeration also and in all truthfulness I dont trust either group ….. And I am a true believer in God and I am one who sees many lies that the christian church plays a part in. I am a Jew who believes Jesus is the Messiah. I do not agree with everything a pastor tells me just because he went to seminary school and I know what Gods word in the bible says about homosexuallity and so I keep clear of that lifestyle. I know things are getting morally worse in America and the world and I believe that mankind is living the last days and there will be cosequences for are actions and beliefs either from God or our own doing. And I will end this by saying “wide is the road and many will follow it that leads to distruction….and narrow is the gate and few will enter it that leads to Gods Kingdom from both the gays and the Christians.
Liz says
November 1, 2015 at 2:46 amThe bibel says “love you neighbor like you love yourself” that includes all people! If you really want to bring religion into this then fine follow all the rules and don’t pick and choose its up to God to decide who is worthy of heaven and by the way in the same book as “man shal not lay with man” it also makes a reference to the clothes you are wearing so you are sinning right now better burn you multi fabric clothes.
says needs help says
November 1, 2015 at 4:01 amName calling, insulting and basically online bullying is usually coming from a deep rooted issue within ones self. Maybe your insecure or unhappy with the way your life is going. Someone has major personal issues! So much anger and hate. Its kinda weird to post multiple comments with different names. Almost as if your egging yourself on! Maybe therapy would do some good!
Tony says
November 1, 2015 at 4:18 amI find it so amusing that bigots are freaking out about a story on a satirical site.
Caitlin Jenner says
November 1, 2015 at 4:35 amI never thought about it, but when I was living with the Kardashians, I ate a lot of something they called Kandy Korn. But maybe it was just regular candy Korn laced with these homosexual inducing drugs! Thank you for this article! I need to rethink my life again. Maybe I don’t really want to wear dresses.
C says
November 1, 2015 at 4:40 amSeriously do people actually believe this or are people just being sarcastic? Cause I honestly can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or just people being idiots
Caitlin says
November 1, 2015 at 5:23 amGuys…it’s satire and funny…stop getting angry with it or being dumbfucks and agreeing with in.
Whyareyouallsodumb says
November 1, 2015 at 6:30 amThis isn’t forreal
David says
November 1, 2015 at 6:35 amAll the homosexuals suggesting that it cant and doesn’t happen simply want you to be naive to whats really going on in society. Homosexuals are so consumed by lust that they will go to any lengths to satisfy that lust. Even if it means lacing candy and drugging unsuspecting men in an effort to satisfy their perverse, consuming lust and desire for perverse sexual gratification. Whether this is satire or not it’s actually steeped in reality.
Ura Twat says
November 1, 2015 at 8:19 amReally???? I forwarded this article to the CDC, I’m pretty sure there is no study such as what you mentioned. This really has to be one of the more bigoted and homophobic websites I’ve ever encountered.
Bobo says
November 1, 2015 at 8:30 amI want some of these drugs not to be gay but just to get high if there free what up I want some MDMA acid I’m down what’s really good
Kaysee says
November 1, 2015 at 9:14 amPatsy,
It’s the men with the “nuclear family” that are the homosexuals. Lol
Thanks for the laughs! It’s not the “gays” that are ruining this country, it’s bible thumpers like you.
The Gay Demon Of The Underworld says
November 1, 2015 at 9:32 amThere is no escape!
MUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!
>:)
Scarlett says
October 26, 2016 at 11:07 pmThe Gay Demon Of The Underworld…… I love your name
The Gay Demon Of The Underworld says
November 1, 2015 at 9:34 amThere is no escape! MUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!
>:)
DomMcC says
November 1, 2015 at 10:50 amThe funniest thing is people actually think this is a true article and yes I think we can safely say that Jan has a good sense of humour. So funny that even on threads where people are obviously of the same opinion stupid will out. Oh and Jaque it is “YOU’RE all f*g stupid!” unless of course you were laying bait in which case, YOU’RE a genius!
speedgunzalley1 says
November 1, 2015 at 11:59 amLeave the gay people alone you Fucking stupid ass people!!!
devon says
November 1, 2015 at 12:18 pmReally??? You’re the sperm that won???? Really?????!!!
Vince says
November 1, 2015 at 1:22 pmJan
Darling stop for 1sec and reread your comment. It’s ludicrous. Darling you and your husbands genes are what popped your son out gay, not a bunch of colored skittles. Maybe it was what was inside the “jeans” that was defective. Grow up…………
Erica Grant says
November 1, 2015 at 2:58 pmThis is the dumbest Shit I’ve read. Like you know how psychopaths actually put things in candy and these people choose to make an article referring to liquid X and freaking weed to “target straight men” I am not gay and I’m a Christian but teaching hate your no better than anyone else your not freaking god so why isn’t there an article about straight people trying to poison kids?
Dustin says
November 1, 2015 at 3:45 pmAnyone who believes this dribble needs serious mental help. Either that or you’re the most gullible person on earth. When did Christians become all about hate mongering?
Louie says
November 1, 2015 at 4:44 pmWooooow. And i thought Trump was retarded…. Well I still do, but this takes the dumdum cake right here.
Rando says
November 1, 2015 at 5:26 pmYou are all being silly and getting your panties in a wad for nothing. Pretty sure this article is satire. I’ve never heard of any such drug. Smoked lots of dope and dropped lots of acid back in the day and I’m still as hetero as they come. LOL
Nick says
November 1, 2015 at 5:47 pmWait, this is sAtire, right?
Iteachthechildren says
November 1, 2015 at 6:43 pmAnd I thought *I* had a deficient sense of humor.
angela sharif says
November 1, 2015 at 7:19 pmNever in my life laughed so much….please tell me it’s a stitch up? I know there are bible basher bigots in America but in this enlightened age surely they can’t be that thick to actually believe this silly rhetoric. I have literally lots of gay friends, male and female and they are the most decent, picky (as in havn’t found a suitable partner being so choosy) loyal of all my friends. No I think heterosexuals do paedophilia and adultery and bigotry far better than gays.
Think you blinkered bible bashers are in for one he’ll of a shock when you pass over
Dan says
November 1, 2015 at 7:34 pmWhat the hell is this world coming to if people actually believe this ridiculous nonsense. There is no scientific proof and if people act like this and meet your “God” the guess what….? You’re all going to hell for breaking one of your “Gods” most sacred LAWS! Treat thy neighbor as you treat thyself. Have fun roasting for eternity. xD
Greg says
November 2, 2015 at 12:05 amWow. This was such a funny article and yet so many serious comments. There’s no drugs or alcohols in the world that can cause homosexuality or even bisexuality. You people just need to grow the fuck up and learn something other then biblical bullshit
Jonathan says
November 2, 2015 at 12:20 amLast year at Halloween, I received candy from a stranger, and for the first time ever I slept with a guy! A nice black guy. It was so amazing! Thanks to all the gay chemists that made my life amazing! Long live the gays!
Jonah Bell says
November 2, 2015 at 1:11 amThe Bible says that God hates gays, so I do too. There is power in his word and no denying that.
Rosie says
November 2, 2015 at 7:49 amI have to say that I’m quite impressed that someone with NO understanding of science, NO empathy, NO cultural awareness and NO redeeming features is allowed to publish stuff like this.
Author, you are a knob; I laughed and laughed until I realised you were serious. Actually, you aren’t serious, you are terminal.
Ann England says
November 2, 2015 at 10:53 amWe need to ban all candy.
Now I understand we just can not do it all at once.
So first a registration each time person buy candy, a 24 hour waiting period for a back ground check…
Next, until you get candy totally banned, ban their wrapers to make it hard for candy to buy.
Because that works for guns, right?
Andy says
November 2, 2015 at 11:36 amDearest Christians, please stop this ludicrousy! Gay men do NOT want to turn straight people, it is YOU who want to turn everyone to your hate filled religion! It pains me to see people commenting about wanting to arm their children with firearms in order to protect themselves from being turned gay by gay men! You are advocating violence and murder, which is completely against what the new testament teaches!
Furthermore, have you ever just considered talking to gay people face to face? You will find that we have no intention of harm in anyone, as we ourselves have been harmed so much by fear and vile comments by fanatical religious fanatics! We do not want any living soul to go through such unbearable suffering.
Bruce Hedquist says
November 2, 2015 at 11:56 amThe original post was a joke people!!!!
Bob the World Destroyer says
November 2, 2015 at 9:33 pmThis is some professional shitposting right here right here
Gavin says
November 3, 2015 at 1:49 amJan is really something (or she has an equal probability of being one of two things) She is both a troll and not a troll as far as we know. She is Schrodinger’s troll! Janius!!!
Bi-Spy says
November 3, 2015 at 3:21 amHello. I see you have discovered my rainbowed plans to convert the straights into gays! My Gaygents and I can never be stopped! BWUAHAHAHAHA!!
Jarryd says
November 3, 2015 at 8:54 amATT Patsy D: Traditional, nuclear family? What is a nuclear family? You need a refund on your school fees. We have no place in the world for the outright dumb. And I’ll bet, his kids are ugly too.
I come from South Africa, and it’s strikes me as very odd that a traditional African society, with traditional African morals, beliefs, values and practices is SO much more accomodating to ‘gay people’ than you stupid Bible-bashing-folk. Are we not supposed to love everyone equally? Or does Leviticus take precedent over everything else?
Thank you, and take a god damn seat you stupid woman.
al says
November 4, 2015 at 5:02 amOMG THESE PEOPLE ARE SICK
Paul says
October 25, 2016 at 9:47 pmOmg, are all Americans as undeniably stupid as you are, or just Trump?
Josh D says
October 27, 2016 at 6:40 amI see many commentators believe that there is only an innate genetic component to homosexuality, but when you step back it is blatantly not true. Over the last decade there has been a meteoric rise in homosexuality.
If being gay is genetic, then just like diabetes can be metered by the use of insulin, then there has to be a chemical component to homosexuality that can be up-regulated, down-regulated or turned off. Things like this homosexual-inducing candy that was revealed in this investigative piece is quite refreshing because it helps to explain why so many people, especially in college, end up turning gay. I see that concerned mother Jan up there concerned about her fraternity son and she has every right to be.
I had to drop out of my frat because the guys just kept doing more and more gay things, like streaking through the street, the ‘polar plunge’ and inexplicably humping couches, fridges and even each other, but saying it was not gay. It wasn’t before long that I suspected the entire Greek system was an invention of gays to groom college men into a true Greek lifestyle.
hopey says
October 28, 2017 at 6:12 pmI’m really worried about the mental health of all the people who seriously believe that garbage.
Matthew says
November 7, 2017 at 11:15 pmStupid trolls. Probably tv preachers or conspiracy nuts. Or someone w a lousy sence of humor. Or possibly a foreign power, seeking to harm us. Laughably untrue.
John Robert Dove Jr. says
October 18, 2018 at 9:00 amBeware of sick, creepy, souless individuals who walk amongst you and who believe such ridiculous lies and faux news. These are the sickest of the sick. Only a brainless homophobic prejudice idiot would go to such lengths to make this stuff up then promote it as truth.
John Robert Dove Jr. says
October 18, 2018 at 9:00 amBeware of sick, creepy, souless individuals who walk amongst you and who believe such ridiculous lies and faux news. These are the sickest of the sick. Only a brainless homophobic prejudice idiot would go to such lengths to make this stuff up then promote it as truth.
apyr says
October 26, 2018 at 2:10 pmgod this is beautiful