Citing he sensed demons of great deception and greed, Pope Francis took time to perform an exorcism upon Congress itself to help set America straight.
Only moments after Pope Francis announced the exorcism, Senators Pelosi, Harry Reid, McConnell and Representative Boehner all were seen holding hands and looking concerned, helplessly watching the Pope and his cardinals make their way up and down the aisles of Congress with thuribles in hand.
According to sources, only moments after the Supreme Pontiff started his prayers, Boehner began holding his head and grimacing pain, his knees allegedly buckling as he struggled to breathe and make his way out of the Capitol building.
Other members of both the House and Senate had already started to flee, purportedly concerned that the Pope’s prayers and outlash against greed would catch them in the crosshairs of God’s cleansing fury.
Moments after being cornered and marked with holy water, eye witnesses claim Boehner’s voice took a deep, defiant tone as he yelled ‘No!’ to the Pope’s repeated command of “Recesserimus ab hoc loco!”.
Republican strategists confirm that Senator Mitch McConnell also looked quite weakened and glum during the Pope’s prayerful onslaught and is allegedly in hiding. Sources in the know believe McConnell showed the same weak, cowering look as Boehner and may also soon be compelled to leave Congress.
later, a weakened Boehner was compelled to abide by the Pope's holy edict from God and
In an unprecedented display of bipartisan efficiency, key members the United States Congress assembled an emergency session to ‘ex-communicate’ Pope Francis from the United States.