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Gay Marriage Causing Increase in Quaalude Demand, Crash of NYSE

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Quaaludes, famously known as ‘gay aspirin’ in pop-culture, are making a cultural resurgence now that Obama’s Supreme Court cronies have legalized gay marriage in America.

The quaalude drug is considered a ‘must-have’ for the novice to homosexuality, as it relaxes the human body’s typically firm and tight sphincter muscles. Coupled with the fact that the CDC estimates that since gay marriage was legalized, per capita confirmed homosexuality has increased 1.2% and a staggering 53% of men are now secretive or agnostic about their homosexuality, the increase in quaalude demand is very troubling.

If quaaludes are in high demand and they are most popular among those just being initiated into homosexuality, it can only mean that the gay agenda to convert heterosexual men into their carefree lifestyle of fast cars, exotic vacations and wealthy households powered by two-male incomes with no children has been successful.

Gays Have Been Stockpiling Quaaludes For Years, Waiting to Unleash Them on Society Once Gay-Marriage Legalized

For years the powerful financiers of the gay community have stockpiled quaaludes, using their wealth and media influence to make it seem like the drug was a thing of yesteryear. But the gay community has long known that their secretive stockpile of quaaludes would provide them with not only a billion dollar black market was gay marriage was legalized, but also a powerful tool to not make experimentation with gluteal-acts not so scary to straight men.

Did Gays Cause the Recent NYSE Computer Crash?

Last week, a rumor started that several pharmaceutical corporations would officially start manufacturing a refined form of Quaaludes, which would be traded under the symbol QRTYludes_600.

Fearful that their black market would be destroyed, it would come as no surprise that the powerful gay wolves of wall street, the club of Ivy-league financiers who largely financed the gay marriage movement, fervently supplied and bribed heteronormative men at the NYSE with pure quaaludes.

With everyone relaxed and with their guard down, it is no surprise that there was an infrastructure breech.  Careful review of market exchanges over the week reveal that QRTY was never released as a public stock and the gays managed to thwart the start-up pharmaceutical company before it went public and started offering stock.

For reasons unknown, there is no Quaalude alternative being mentioned now and the gay black market for the drug will continue to grow and likely net billions of dollars in profit, allowing empowering the gay movement with more money to bring litigation against Christians clerks and bakeries who refuse to engage in sodomy and bake them their fancy wedding cakes.

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    Eleanor Forman says

    Is that QRTY, or QWERTY UIOP?

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