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Genetically Engineered Dinosaur Finally Captured By Japanese Military


Noto, Japan – Japan had to call on US naval seal teams to help reel the the genetically engineered beast in.  Weighing in at over 7 tons, the locals had taken to calling the Jurassic predator 素晴らしいジュラ紀悪魔のトカゲ, quite literally translating to great jurassic demon lizard of modern lore.  Some residents claimed at night its eyes would glow red as it emerged from the waters, usually hungry for small children or cattle, but its appetite knowing no true limit.  Other residents say the great lizard beast could be heard wailing in the distance, bellowing out toward the heavens and speaking ancient Japanese, the words they say were a call toward the dark gods of ancient.

Truly, this may have been a beast of the apocalypse, as far as locals in the decimated town of Noto, Japan, are concerned.

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When US special forces were finally called in, one soldier recalled, “We watched the target gallop down a highway, running head first toward a brave semitruck driver determined to be heroic and knock the damned monster out with kamikaze tactics.  Japanese officials frantically called him on his CB radio, telling him to turn around.  I would say the turtle was running a good 20 miles per hour, it was insane!  It was crazy.”

“The semi hit the dinosaur dead on and there was a huge explosion.  The truck:  decimated.  The great beast was angry and winced a bit in its eyes and then ran its tongue over its face, savoring the spent pieces of burnt metal and charred human flesh from the explosion.  Suddenly, it made eye-contact toward where we were hiding and seemed to catch our scent. We evacuated by chopper and all our small arms fire did not put a dent in the beast, we may as well have been 6-year-old children throwing firecrackers.”

Nuclear power is to blame for this beast.  We must stop allowing foreign countries to use nuclear energy and letting capitalist fatcats build these death traps all over the globe.  Nuclear power is dangerous and too much destructive potential for humanity to hold.  We need to use clean energy.  We need to stop warfare military industrial complex that is destroying your life, your wallet and your future.  If we want this world to survive, we must stop nuclear energy or we will get more stories like this one.

Unfortunately, the giant mutant attacked the town of Noto, Japan.  It literally tore through dozens of houses, ate 3 grown tigers and several goats at the local zoo, leaving a brave injured bull elephant to die, and then tried to eat a butcher’s van that is used to haul meat.   US naval seal teams eventually acquired large quantities of meat and laced them with sleeping agents, timed packets of C4 and arsenic cobalt.  Airdropping all this food in proxy to the predator proved a viable tactic, as the beast quickly ate all the food as planned.

After two hours (enough to let the sleeping agents kick in) the bombs were detonated and it did not move, nor seem injured.  Naval teams then quickly approached, bound the it and with Japanese military officials, bound the animal in reinforced steel and hauled it to the nearest secure government research facility.  In transport, locals report the lizard actually awoke and started growling out:  all the internal explosions did not damage it one bit.

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